Live Blogging the All-Star Fantasy Draft

So, as a favor to my sister Cassy and all my theoretical readers, I'm going to be (as the title suggests) live-blogging the Shana-draft.

And here we go...

10:13- Announcing the captains: Daniel Alfredsson (who is incredibly undeserving. Why do we let fans decide this? The people don't even deserve the privilege of voting on the People's choice awards.) I like how the announcer referred to Lundqvist as a "Swedish Assistant." Makes him sound like a masseur, which pretty much every female hockey fan I know has dreamed about at least once. Marie is a big fan; she thinks he looks like Owen from Grey's Anatomy.

10:17- Chara up. Its fantastic seeing how absurdly tall he is compared to pretty much everyone else. Also, "which way are you leaning?" "All the ways." He might be large enough to pull that off.

10:18- Assistants Lundqvist and Lupul. Nice difference in skills, and the first Leafs Suck chant of the night begins.

Breaks brought to you by DVR, which ensures that I don't have to watch any commercials. To paraphrase Stephen Colbert- a great invention, or the greatest invention?

10:20- Most thinking Pommenville goes last, mostly because I don't think anyone wants Hartnell to get a car. I can hope...#HartnellUp

10:21- did he just say "Drizzy"? Also, did he just refer to Stamkos and Kane as vets? They're both under 25. WTF?

10:22- Generically attractive sideline reporter, but she sounds all kinds of bored. Can someone inject her with adrenaline like Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. Aaannd then another commercial.

10:25- Like the one trade allowed rule. This could make things interesting. Also, I know I'm not the first to say it, but Chara reminds me of Ivan Drago. I just want him to say "I will break him" or something of the sort.

10:26- And they just booed the puck flip. Who does that? But it looks like Drago is ready, and he goes for Datsyuk. Fantastic pick, given that he's ALWAYS on the list of guys that you would take to start your franchise. And it sounds like Chara's got a little crush...

10:28- Worst kept secret ever, Alfie goes for Karlsson and I don't blame him one bit. Also like the hair, those are some flowing locks. But lets hold off on the Orr comparisons, at least for a season or two.

10:30-Apparently, Karlsson is the "quickest at everything he does." Bow chicka sad face...

10:31- Chara goes for Thomas to shore up his right wing. I know I'm the millionth person to say it, but I had to, though I like that the TSN guy went right for the big issue.

10:32- Now Spezza. Lame choice, but he DOES have 50 points this year. Didn't know that.

10:33- Malkin, #1 in fantasy ranking, #5 at the ASG.

10:34- Jonathan Quick goes to Alfie's squad. Unbelievable goalkeeping tandem with Lundqvist, though an ASG shutout is unlikely.

10:35- Hossa to Chara, Giroux to Alfie. Alfie is making up for the Spezza pick big-time, Giroux might be the fastest rising star in the league.

10:36- Timmonen goes to Chara. In general, yes; in an ASG where nobody plays defense, no. Letang, Alfie's choice, is a significantly better selection. How did NEITHER Sedin go in the top 10? Do the other players watch hockey occasionally?

10:40- Last year's Hart winner is off the board to Chara. However, they aren't getting last year's player. How did the Ducks get so bad so fast? Aside from poor roster construction, that is. Stamkos finally goes to Alfie, and he brings 32 goals with him. Wow.

10:42- Carey Price comes in to back up Thomas. I like that the best stat they had for him is that this is ASG #3 for him. Shows how poorly the Habs have been doing.  Lundqvist takes Brian Elliot, meaning that one team has 3 of the best 4 goalies, in terms of performance, at the game. The shutout looms.

10:44- BTW, Leafs Suck. I don't know if anyone else was aware. Lupul picks Kessel, who DOES look like Chucky. Don't lie Phil, you liked winning the car better than being picked early (or you're bizarre and delusional). Alfie chooses Weber. Chara should have locked him up earlier; if nothing else, the fastest shot competition would be locked up for his team. Chara gets Suter, who always seems like the 2nd prettiest girl at the ball compared to Weber.

10:47- Finally a Sedin. How did last year's Art Ross winner last until pick #17? The rules prevent Chara from going with Henrik, so he's stuck with Jimmy Howard. Not a bad prize, I suppose. Lundqvist goes with Girardi, who has a pretty sick tie. Also cool to know that he's the only one who made the ASG despite not being drafted. Great look at Hartnell's Jew-fro in the green room before going to commercial.

10:52- Wow, Alfie's team is significantly better going into R 11. Campbell is rapidly losing his hair, or made a terrible decision at the barbershop, but he goes to Chara. Yandle, a fantastically kept secret on an overachiving squad, goes to Alfie. I like that Chara keeps letting Lupul go up there to get booed, and that he chose Kane (who has significantly fewer goals than I expected). Michalek to Alfie; is he the forward with the fewest total points in the ASG? Seriously, fans don't deserve to vote. Phaneuf gets picked by Chara, to a chant of "Over-rated" I think we all agree.

10:57- Alfie told to pick a D-man, and ignores it in favor of Henrik Sedin. So now one team has two Sedins and two guys named Henrik, should make for good chemistry (or some confusion). Chara takes Iginla, who is quietly having a decent season (VERY quietly. The Flames are awful-sauce). Lundqvist and Alfie talking a lot about this pick, and end up with Neal. Apparently a little bit of consideration leads to good results. Who knew? Chara forced to take a D-man and goes for Wideman; Alfie in the same situation takes Edler. Again the better decision made by Alfredsson. All the Canucks and all the Sens are on the same team. I can only assume that choosing the Canucks will generally end up being a better decision

11:02- Each team gets to choose four more forwards, but we get a look at the rookies first. Wish the teams were able to pick the rookies, but it does mean Hagelin gets to be with Lundqvist and Girardi. Who would have thought there was (or would ever be) a Rafael Diaz in the NHL?  Awesome.

11:06- Chara picks up Gaborik, ruining my chances of just rooting for Team Alfredsson. Tavares to Alfie; he appears to be on quite the hot streak (22 points in 14 games). Eberle to Chara. #HartnellUp to Alfredsson, where he won't get a car, but he should be on a line with Giroux (and on a team with both the Flyer rookies as well).

11:12- Chara gets Seguin, and Alfie denies Pommenville a car; Pomm is seriously bucking the trend of long hair in this game. Apparently he missed the memo. Chara's got a lot of power here, and goes for Benn. Couture, who asked what kind of car was at stake, is the last pick. His front teeth are slightly too large for his mouth. This can only be problematic for a hockey player. But he gets a Honda Crosstour, and the chance to choose a hockey program to get $20k.

So in summation, Alfredsson SHOULD dominate pretty solidly. But you never know...

May all your hits be crits,
B