Re: Dave Yellin

(I apologize in advance for the slightly lengthy post, but I needed a way to unwind after taking a ConLaw practice)

The debate was sparked after Torts class, and it was not an unfamiliar one. The esteemed Mr. Yellin made the claim that the Sections at GULC are much like the houses in Harry Potter. I have no problem with this claim, and it's one that got made many times in my tenure at UoC. And yes, Section III is most certainly Hufflepuff. However, then Mr. Yellin made the damning comment that sparked a need for this post:

"...and Section II is Gryffindor."

Oh, how I hate when people say that. It's like when the issue of who women were in a past life, and 70% of them say Joan of Arc. You can't ALL have been Joan of Arc, although this might explain the voices she was hearing. Every group that compares themselves to a Harry Potter house inevitably finds that they would be Gryffindor. I now feel the need to both respond to Mr. Yellin, and make a claim of my own.

Mr. Yellin's major arguments, or at least the ones he told me, were that Section II is both very smart, and very diverse. I agree with both of these points, but I do not necessarily believe they are dispositive here. On his first point, I agree that Section II is full of very smart people, but that does not necessarily make them Gryffindor. Actually, if we are the smartest section, which is possible, that would make us more Ravenclaw than Gryffindor. So the intelligence thing doesn't prove his point.

As to his second point, about our diversity, I agree that this is a Gryffindor characteristic. However, this is not necessarily solely a Gryffindor characteristic. In fact, I would argue that the most important minority character in the book is Cho, a Ravenclaw. Further, the readers do not necessarily know a great deal about the diversity in other houses, so diversity cannot be a dispositive characteristic.

My claim is based off of the professor that most defines our section, which (as much as I know everyone loves Prof. Goldberg) can only be Charles Abernathy. He's the one we're gonna remember in our nightmares, and the one we're going to ask future Section II's about. Mr. Yellin made the claim that Prof. Abernathy is akin to Prof. McGonagall, both tough and fair. This is a fir comparison, but I think that Prof. Abernathy is more like Prof. Snape.

Reasons:
1. He might be tough and fair, but there is no way that McGonagall would ever tell people that they didn't belong. Snape, on the other hand, would tell you that, if you weren't prepared to make your potions, you should go to Durmstrang; you don't belong here.
2. Mr. Yellin himself admitted to both fearing Abernathy's double classes, and referring to it as Double Potions. What could be scarier, or more Snape-like than double class?

This is not to say that I believe we are Slytherin, but more that we aren't necessarily Gryffindor.

Finally, I believe that Mr. Yellin would like the Gryffindor label because he has dark, somewhat unkept hair, and glasses, which would make him Harry Potter. Unfortunately, sir, you are no Harry Potter.

May all your hits be crits,
B

The Great Library Fire

For those of you who don't know, I hate working in the library as a general concept. It's too quiet and sterile for me to really feel comfortable. However, sometimes I realize that I need to be more productive than usual, and that the occasional trip to the library is good for me. This was my thought process today, as I wanted to do a Torts practice exam, and wanted to do under conditions as close to exam conditions as physically possible. As that rules out doing work in my room, I packed up and headed to the library.

I was all set to work; my phone was in my room, my internet was off, and I was even using one of those sets of foam earplugs that GULC gives you during the exam. I had gotten through abotu 60% of my paragraphs, and was right on schedule to finish when I heard,

"May I have your attention, please? May I have your attention, please? A fire emergency has been reported in the building. Please evacuate via the nearest exit. Do not use the elevator...May I have your attention, please...."

Now, there are three scenarios under which a fire evacuation will happen:
1. There is an actual fire. As I was allowed back in the library about 20 minutes later, I have a distinct feeling that this was not the case, or at least there was no actual danger from said fire.
2. Someone pulled the fire alarm. This would be violently uncool. I mean, its a week before my first final, and someone's gonna pull that nonsense? Seriously?
3. This was a fire drill. This is even more flagrantly uncool. To give us all of this work to do then to pull us away from it for a fire drill, is the product of a twisted mind. Although if they wanted to test mass evacuation procedure, there's probably no better time...

So, in summation, the next time I want peace and quiet, I think I'll just stay home.

May all your hits be crits,
B

A Rude Awakening

Hey all. So my trip to New York was phenomenal in all possible ways; between having Marie in, the trip to Uptown Cottage, and seeing the family, this was exactly what I needed to recharge for the upcoming finals weeks. However, going back to DC was not exactly what I was hoping for...

First, my Amtrak was delayed in getting to Penn Station, and I ended up not getting in until 1230am. After that, whether through lack of snuggling or just general unwillingness on the part of my mind/body, I was unable to get to sleep until 3am. To compound this indignity, I was awakened at 830am (five minutes before my initial alarm goes off), by a loud thump on my window. Turns out that they decided to clean the windows this morning without telling anyone, and I was greeted by the sight of a man with a squeegee rapelling down the side of my building.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I sleep in the nude or am keeping anything illicit in my room. I just don't enjoy being woken up with loud noises at all, and especially before I have to. It really wouldn't have hurt GULC to do this cleaning later in the day, or to warn us it was happening. Sometimes mornings need to go away, and come back when I'm better able to cope.

May all your hits be crits,
B

It's The Little Things...

Hey all. I know that I've really slacked on updating this thing (which always happens when I blog), and that this post is probably nowhere near the coolest thing that's happened recently, but I felt like sharing this.

So i've been working on my final paper for Legal Research and Writing, and I've been working on it pretty much all day, or at least until five minutes ago. I heard a familiar noise coming from somewhere, and I couldn't place what it was. It seemed to be coming from outside, so I poked my head out the window. Either someone in my building, or (both more likely and more hilarious) someone on the highway outside my window was cruising around DC blasting "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" at top volume with the windows down.

Now there are a lot of songs worth cranking, and even more that aren't worth cranking. I'll even admit to pulling the Michael Bolton from Office Space, and rolling up my windows if I'm stopped in traffic and cranking something embarassing. But who, in 40 degree weather, rolls down the windows to blast Burl Ives? I don't know who you are, but currently, you're my hero.

May all your hits be crits,
B

A Momentous Occasion

There is no way to describe Washington DC right now. It is absolute bedlam on the main drag in Chinatown. The bars are just letting out a flood of people, cars are all holding down their horns as they drive by. Giddy, delirious, energetic, people are standing in the middle of the street slapping high fives with passing drivers. Everyone is on balconies, either forgetting or ignoring the steady rain, just to be a part of it. For one night, Barack Obama has energized this town, I've never seen anything like it, and I don't know if I ever will again.

Yes We Can, Yes We Did, and most importantly, Yes We Will!

May all your hits be crits,
B

Legal Quick Hits

A few cases I figured were worth pointing out. Plus I need to practice my citation forms for the final...

1. Youngstown Sheet & Tube Co. v. Sawyer- Apparently, there are RESTRICTIONS on Executive power. Who knew?

2. Justice v. State- Even in Indiana, Justice prevails!!! (Best.Case.Name.Ever.)

3. Lavender v. Kurn- "Plaintiff's theory is that Haney was struck by the curled end of a mail hook that extended from a mail car; defendant contended that plaintiff's theory was practically a physical impossibility and that in fact Haney was probably murdered by one of the hoboes shown to frequent the area at night. Hence, death by hook or by crook?" Simply stunning...

At some point, I'll make a longer post about Cordas v. Peerless Transportation Co.; someone just has to remind me.

May all your hits be crits,
B

Why I Can't Respect New Jersey

The case: Yan v. Ford Motor Company. A 65-year old man was riding in a van on the Garden State Parkway, when his spare tire assembly fell off the back of the van and rolled to a stop next to the divider. He got out of the car (this was at about 1130pm and it was raining), and ran across the Parkway, picked up the assembly, and was running back when he got hit by a car and killed. His estate proceeded to sue everyone they could think of (the driver of the car that hit him, the auto maker, the manufacturer of the assembly, the last mechanic they had visited, Neil Patrick Harris, Bruce Springsteen, and God), in an attempt to collect from somebody on the grounds that their negligence had caused the man's death.
The New Jersey Court of Appeals said that nobody could be held liable (except the other driver, who settled), as the action of running across the Parkway was "an activity which cannot be described as anything short of extraordinarily dangerous, if not suicidal." Since he was 65, the court reasoned, he should have known better Now this makes sense to me; don't be stupid, don't run across the highway, especially if you're not exactly Usain Bolt. However, the New Jersey Supreme Court REVERSED the decision on the grounds that this man running across the Parkway to get a spare tire was completely foreseeable to a rational person.
Ok, what the hell? Are people in Jersey like pedestrians on the South Side, so fed up with their dreary existence that they use no caution in running in front of passing cars? And this is judicially codified as reasonable behavior? There are absolutely no words...

May all your hits be crits,
B

A Visit from the Terps

So, in lieu of our fall tournament (which ran into some scheduling problems), GULC Softball is having a series of scrimmages against other law schools on the weekends. Today, Maryland Law came to town. I was on the B team, which was shorthanded because a lot of our best players had a game in another league.

My final line for the day (between both games, one of which we lost by 2, the other we lost by 15) was:
1-5, RBI, 1PO, 0E

The no errors part was kinda cool, especially cause I managed to hurt myself sliding into 2nd at the end of the first game, and it was hell pushing off it. I also hit my longest drive of the year, which unfortunately was hit almost directly at the LF, who had to take a few steps back to get it. I need to start hitting more on the ground, and on line drives. Oh well.

May all your hits be crits,
B

Just Another Hoya Softball Practice...

I normally don't like to do the two-a-day posts, but this was just too good to wait on. Normally my slow ass legging out two infield singles in a game is bizzare enough, but my teammates managed to take it to a whole new level. Names will not be used, mostly cause anyone who reads this blog doesn't know these people anyway.

So it's the middle of our usual scrimmage, and my team has runners on 1st and 2nd when a ball gets hit sharply to the third baseman. Mind you, this guy had just informed me that I do dumb stuff all the time. He picks the ball up, but instead of taking it to third himself or throwing it to one of the other bases, he makes a nifty flip to our third base coach, who catches it and stares at the guy dumbfounded. I mean, who did he expect was going to be there? We all figured that this was going to be the highlight of the game, but we were sorely mistaken.

After we finished in the field, out center fielder stayed out there to use the wall in deep center to relieve himself. Now, strangeness is to be expected from the guy who played an entire game while on his cell phone. But as soon as someone points this out, our captain decides that this will not fly, says "I'm gonna kill that fucker" and races out into center field. Now it is over 100 yards from the third base line to the wall in center, but she must have a gear only known to her and Usain Bolt, cause she got there in no time. We were speculating about what exactly she was going there to do. Was she going to berate him? Was she at least going to let him finish? Upon reaching him, she lowered her shoulder and body-checked him mid-leak, then dragged him back towards the dugout. I have never seen anything like this before and probably never will again. Now that, my friends, is a new kind of leadership.

May all your hits be crits (especially after the re-spec),
B

Hoya Slapstick!

So, today's tort cases raise a question of the utmost importance: Can slipping on a banana peel give rise to a lawsuit. In order to answer this, we had to read no fewer than three cases involving people slipping on banana peels. I had no idea there was this large a body of banana peel law. However, in order to round out the assignment, we had to read cases in which people slipped on milk, grapes, and pizza slices. Don't get me wrong: This was extremely enjoyable. I still think there was one of two things missing:

1. Video- Now, if we were shown some sort of dramatic re-enactment of each of these cases, I think that would have added greatly to the experience. I mean, where was the banana in relation to the person? Was it the same color as the floor, rendering it an invisible banana? Was it just a peel, or was there still some banana left? I feel that answering these questions would have greatly enhanced my understanding of the cases. Plus, it would have been an obscene amount of fun...
2. Expert testimony- The cases don't give you much of anything in terms of the facts of the trial. I think that, in these sorts of cases, experts should be brought in. People like the Marx Brothers or the Three Stooges. If anyone could bring a true body of experience relating to things like slipping on banana peels, it would be them. Plus, watching them question the silent Marx would possibly be the greatest bit of testimony in the history of the judicial process. Oh well, I can dream...

May all your hits be crits,
B

There and Back Again...

Mornin all. I know that I've been a bit delinquent in updating this thing, but that's kinda how its gonna go. In this case, I had a Civil Procedure midterm last week, as well as having a memo due. As a certain C. Kaback would have put it "I wouldn't recommend it..."

My trip to Chicago this weekend was pretty fantastic. I've decided to follow the Elliot Goodman procedure for my future visits this year: come in without telling ANYONE (except the person with whom I'm staying). This worked phenomenally this weekend; watching people do double-takes when they realized that someone that they didn't expect was staring them right in the face. However, there is an exception to this rule. If you are known for enjoying a significant amount of a certain aromatic herb, your capacity for surprise at unexpected things appears to be slightly dulled. I'm looking at Misters Mendel and Thor specifically here...

I accrued a lot of things this weekend. Not only did I get intangible benefits, like the experience of my first breakfast at Valois (I know, it took me more than 4 years), I also picked up a lot of very tangible things. Now, I live a very simple life here in DC; Marie has taken to calling my room "The Law Cave" because there is absolutely nothing there. Law school has made me realize how little I actually need to go through life. However, some creature comforts are never a problem, and I managed to accrue extra bedsheets, two pillows, a toaster, my guitar, and an enormous homemade honey cake. As the honey cake is pretty much all I have in terms of food until about 4pm today, I'm getting pretty psyched about it.

More tomorrow, when I get back into the substance of law school.

May all your hits be crits,
B

EDIT: "The Black Plurality" and "Grim Trigger" (both of which I've heard in the last two days) would be amazing names for punk bands, fantasy football teams, or new alts).

The Problem with Case People

Humans seem to be a relatively hardy species in general. We live all over the world, from people roasting at the equator, to the hardy scientists who spend their time drilling ice cores in Antarctica. But if all you read about human nature came from my Torts book, that sense of humanity's strength would be sorely lacking.

Case in point: Bonkowski v. Arlen's Department Store (1962). Mrs. Bonkowski was a patron of Arlen's Department Store in Saginaw, Michigan. Arlen saw that there was some costume jewelry missing, and sent the security guard to talk to Mrs. Bonkowski, to see if she had stolen anything. She emptied her bag, her purse, and showed her reciepts, the guard was satisfied that she hadn't stolen anything, and sent her on her way. Admittedly, this sucks a bit. It's generally uncool to be hassled for something you didn't do. But Mrs. Bonkowski took this to a whole new level, claiming the incident had left her with "various psychosomatic symptoms, including headaches, nervousness, and depression." I mean, what an utter load of crap. There was no force involved, and this took probably no more than fifteen minutes out of her day. Yet a jury awarded her nearly $$44,000. And this, friends, is why I could never be a defense attorney.

May all your hits be crits,
B

In Defense of Patriotism

I know that, especially recently, patriotism has gotten kind of a bad rap. As Chuck Klosterman proved in a relatively informal poll used in one of his books, a woman who is perfect in every regard and patriotic is seen more negatively than a woman who is merely perfect in every respect. I don't really blame people for this; this country has played a lot of us for fools, and has out-and-out screwed us on a whole bunch of issued.

However, in the arena of sports, there is nothing more exciting than patriotism. I have no particular love for swimming, track, or gymnastics normally, and I think curling is just downright ridiculous. But put an athlete in any of these sports in a USA uniform, playing against other countries, and I automatically get psyched.

Now, this shouldn't be new information, and I'm reasonably sure that everyone feels this way at least to some degree. But the reason that I bring this up is the Ryder Cup. I HATE watching golf. I think it's as interesting as watching paint dry, and not nearly as important (paint doesn't come out of clothes, no matter what you do.) But the fans there are getting psyched, and I found myself getting excited too. In fact, since I've gotten home, the Ryder Cup has been the background noise for my ConLaw reading, and I've found myself occasionally switching my computer to watch the live feed. So, I guess what I want to say is GO USA GOLF!!

May all your hits be crits (and land within 3 feet of the hole),
B

Proof That the Law was Written By Men

First case: Reed v. Maley, Kentucky, 1903. The court claimed that soliciting a woman for illicit intercourse is not only not an assault, but also isn't actionable for infliction of emotional distress. The court claimed this was because, apparently, "there's no harm in asking." Score one for the Y chromosome.

Second case: American Airlines v. Ulen, 1949. Woman is in a plane crash, suffers a fractured collarbone, broken ribs, torn ankle ligaments, and a concussion. She sues the airline, and she wins. However, her husband also sues the airline, claiming damages stemming from "medical and other expenses resulting from his wife's injuries and for loss of her services." You gotta love that one: "my wife can't service me, I've suffered damages." He ended up winning 2,500 dollars. According to the good folks at measuringworth.com, and using the Consumer Price Index, that would be worth $21,733.96 today. To put that in "service" terms, that's seven hours with a seven-diamond prostitute, and nearly an entire day with the kind of girl that took Eliot Spitzer down. Giggedy Giggedy Goo...

May all your hits be crits,
B

Worst. Job. Ever.

The case is Brandenberg v. El Al Israel Airlines. The plaintiff, a 72-year old Jewish grandmother, claims that two airlines were negligent by not treating her with particular care during her travels. This doesn't seem too bad up front, but at the deposition, despite the fact that she could not remember the sequence of events that she's claiming constituted the airline's negligence, she was very clear on the fact that they had done her wrong.

At the deposition, the attorney for British Airlines (the other airline being sued) asked her (among other things):

1. Do you know of any factual basis to support your allegations?
2. Can you tell me in your own words what the basis of your claim is?
3. Did British Airways do anything to you that was not in accordance with the way you thought you should be treated?

Plaintiff declined to answer all of these. Now just imagine being the British Airways lawyer giving the deposition. You have an angry, crotchety, completely uncooperative Jewish grandmother across from you, refusing to answer any of the questions that are essential to the ability to form a defense. I don't know about you, but I'd be rueing the day I first picked up a law book if I was him.

In other news, I made a kitty friend. This is gonna be crucial...

May all your hits be crits,
B

Quick Pre-Bed Observation

So, I'm quest-grinding a bit before bed, as I wasn't particularly sleepy for some reason and I am sent to collect 20 spider eyes. The first spider yields one eye, so I assume the other was burned beyond recognition and/or usefulness. This is a relatively common WoW occurrence, and I didn't think much of it. At least, until my second kill. This spider dropped 3 eyes. Now, there are a few things that came to mind here:

1. There is something freaky in the water in Azeroth. I mean, shit is being born with more eyes than they should have. I might get this checked out, but while I do so, please only drink Conjured Water. Trust me.
2. There is some sort of barter system going on between the spiders. I don't know exactly what they would be trading for; spiders are not known for a system of private property per se. However, it seems to make sense that they would trade their eyes. I mean, it would be a relatively useful commodity to have an extra eye. Maybe some higher level economic analysis is in order.
3. Eye Thievery!!!! Ow.

I guess I'll ponder that while I go to bed. On second thought, maybe not...

May all your hits be crits,
B

The Use of Firearms

So, the case of the day involves a cocaine dealer from Florida. He trades an MAC-10 for some cocaine in a sting operation, and the court has to decide whether or not this constitutes "use of a firearm in a drug deal." Marie intially said that you have to discharge the weapon, but quickly changed her mind when I told her that this would align her with Justice Scalia. Really, as far as liberals are concerned, the man might as well be Satan.

The Court decided that there are a whole bunch of things that all could be considered "use." Which leads me to question, if the firearm is involved at all, is it considered use? If for example, you want to impress your drug dealer friends by shooting your gun at targets before they sell you the drugs, is it use? How about if you juggle firearms in order to pass the time until the drugs get there? Is that use? How about if you're a sword swallower, except with guns, and you choose to eat your gun during the drug deal? Is that use? Oh guns, useful in so many ways...

May all your hits be crits,
B

Law School & PhD Progress

The first week of law school is over, and I'm still alive. Alive, but with plenty of work to do. The case of this week involves Mr. Sapp, a Western Union agent who reached out to touch the hand of a married customer, "coupled with a request that she come behind the counter in defendant's office, and that, if she would come and allow Sapp to love and pet her, he "woud fix her clock."

Oh lord, where to begin? First, he wants to "love and pet her?" She's not a cat, or maybe he's a furry. And what kind of man desires nothing for himself? The guy doesn't even ask for a kiss. Bizzare. On the final clause, I only have one thing to say: Bow Chicka Bow Wow. If I was a woman, I'd have no idea what to do if a man asked to "fix my clock." I'd have some basic idea of what he wanted if he asked to fix my plumbing or check my engine, but fix my clock? Quite the pickup line. Good attempt, Mr. Sapp.

Second is a question: What would be your dissertation topic for a PhD in Horribleness? I mean, you need to write a dissertation to get a PhD, but what would your course of Horribleness study lead you to write about? I was thinking something along the lines of "The Effect of Bush's Foreign Policy on Contemporary Definitions of Horribleness." If there actually is anyone who reads this, any thoughts?

I guess last, and most importantly, in approximately 8 hours, I will have been born exactly 22 years ago. I've never spent a birthday so far away from so many people that I both care about, and who have made the last 21 years 364 days so enjoyable, Marie and my family above all. I haven't known too many of the GULCers that long, and although they're great people, I don't know them as well yet. Hopefully, the powers that be will give me a Jet victory for my birthday. Oh well, at least I lasted another year.

May all your hits be crits,
B

Intro to Law School

Hey all. First day of law school classes tomorrow. I'm kinda psyched. I mean, this has been my destiny since I've been old enough to talk (thereby making me old enough to argue). I've been doing my first law school readings, and its been kinda a mixed bag.

First, there's ConLaw. Mr. Marbury, meet Mr. Madison (or more accurately, don't meet Mr. Madison, as he isn't going to deliver your commission. Ever.) I guess this will be the first test of how different law school will be. Is this going to be the same case I read 3 times in undergrad, or will there be a new and different way of thinking about it? On a related note, I think Starbury v. Madsen is a phenomenal name for an IM basketball team, and am REALLY hoping that I can talk a group of people into it at some point.

Second comes Civil Procedure, or CivPro. Yikes. Stripes. It took me a while to figure out what the hell the case was about, then took me another readthrough to figure out the rest. I think I've got a handle on it though. Supposedly, Prof. Abernathy makes your first three weeks hell on purpose, and calls it Boot Camp. I think I'll do better at it than actual boot camp, mostly because i think there will be less running and fewer push-ups.

Finally, Torts. I know its only been a day, but I love Torts. Case in point: A guy gives a co-worker a "friendly, unsolicited hug," while at work. Upon pulling away from the hug, the co-worker has suffered "paralysis of the face and mouth." I mean, damn. Is this guy Iron Man? Is it even conceivably possible to hug someone that hard? I've given my share of hard hugs, but never to the point of doing serious physical harm. And the kicker is that the judge appears to think that paralysis is a legitimately foreseeable consequence. I have no clue, but at least it's a ton of fun to think about.

Aside from that, I've been playing lots of soccer, and keeping up with the world of Azeroth before bed. Saw the National Symphony Orchestra last night, and you haven't lived until you've seen a set of classically trained musicians play the theme from Looney Tunes. You really haven't.

So, class tomorrow. I hope I can actually get some sleep.

May all your hits be crits,
B

Obama 2008

Ok, lets get the issues out of the way. There is no way to lower taxes for 95% of Americans while raising the number of social services the government will provide without either driving corporations out fo the country, or taxing the rich through the nose, which will piss some folk off. He was kinda hard on McCain, especially for someone who is claiming not to be partisan. And, if you look at the sentence structure, he might very well have said that McCain lives in a cave. But damn, the man can speak. I've never actually been inspired by a political candidate before. In fact, the reason that I didn't vote in 2004 was because I had come to hate both candidates so much that I didn't think either of them deserved it. Obama was articulate, inspirational, and completely fantastic.

So, for what its worth, View From Right Field is putting its weight and its 5,000 delegates behind Barack Obama in 2008. Grats on the nomination, now let's do this thing!

May all your hits be crits,
B

Re-Orientationed

Welcome from Georgetown Law! So after taking the car ride from hell to get here (I mean, a fireman's bike parade at 730am? Seriously?), we arrived at Georgetown Law. Since then, its been a whirlwind tour of things to do, places to see, and people to meet. After Saturday move in, I needed to go find food. I strolled into Chinatown to see what there was to see. Not only was there a Wok N'Roll, and a restaurant called Eat First (then what? Casey, a fellow UoCer suggested "Eat First, Ask Questions Later?), there was Five Guys. Five Guys is apparently incredibly famous, and now I can see why. I'd say it was a religious experience, but I've never had a religious experience that enjoyable before. The kind of greasy goodness that made Depot so awesome, but with incredible quality. If you have the means, I would highly recommend picking one up. It is so choice...

Yesterday, I recieved enough food from the parents to feed a small (and culinarily untalented) army, and celebrated by eating free food on the quads. Coupled with watching Iron Man and meeting some great people, it made for an enjoyable night. Today was full of movement, with a long walk in the morning, soccer and a "luau" on the quads. But the best part about all of this has been the people. Its not like UoC, where everyone makes a concerted effort to look down at their feet. Everyone here is willing to talk to you, and even introduce themselves multiple times. It makes for an excellent environment, one that I hope lasts throughout the year.

Aside from that, Hulu has been a really enjoyable surprise. Ironic as it sounds, i've been watching Groundhog Day every night that I've been here, and it's been really soothing. Nothing blows up, nobody yells, just very tranquil. Might not be a bad plan. The next few days will start orientation in earnest. Not sure what to expect, but pretty sure it'll be quite a ride.

May all your hits be crits,
B

Home

Hey all. My grandmother passed on Wednesday at age 94. She was an interesting woman if nothing else; one of the stories that we always mention about her is picking up smoking again at age 87, just because she figured that it really wasn't going to do anything to her. The funeral was the first time that the entire family has been together in as long as I can remember. It was good to be able to put aside all of the family squabbling nonsense that always seems to be going on. Problem is, it only lasted until the end of the funeral. My family is really, phenomenally good at driving each other insane. Everyone was involved in some sort of spat in the course of the next two days. Its just kinda how we are.

Things weren't all bad, I guess. I went hiking with my cousin Keith and my sister Maddy. Hiking is one of those things that I've always enjoyed, but haven't really been able to do in the Midwest. We went to a Cyclones game on Saturday, which was fun except for one of the most bizzare experiences I've had at a baseball game. So, they were throwing T-Shirts into the stands, and I was holding my 3-year old cousin Burlton (yea, i know) up to get a T-Shirt. The T-Shirt girl acquiesed and threw him a shirt. Unfortunately, Burlton is not exactly Randy Moss, and the shirt bounced off his chest. It landed in the row below, next to this white-haired guy. I assumed that he was going to give the kid the shirt back, but he just put it in his pocket and refused to acknowledge me. I mean, who does that?

Less than a week till Georgetown. Not sure exactly how I'm feeling, and my clothes aren't packed, but its gonna happen regardless and I have to be ready.

May all your hits be crits,
B

The Original House of Porn and Pirates

Hey all. So a few days ago, Marie and I went to Brazzaz for lunch. For those of you unfamiliar with the area, Brazzaz is a Brazilian-style steak house, in which you pay one price for as much meat as you can consume. What seems like a dozen of these places are open for business in Chicago. Seems like anyone can open one, as long as they have three things:

1 (and the most important): A website that plays 70s porn music. This appears to be of the utmost importance. How one gets from the cheesy seductiveness of a porn soundtrack to all-you-can-eat steak is beyond me, but apparently its a pre-requisite. For example, http://brazzaz.com/, or http://www.texasdebrazil.com/. Once you have that, its time to go on to...
2: Guys in pirate suits. Supposedly these guys are dressed up as "gauchos", or Brazilian cowboys. Unfortunately, the slightly puffy pants, the belts, and the boots make them look more like pirates. I personally think that pirates walking around with enormous skewers of meat would be a brilliant idea for a restaurant. In fact, more things should be pirate themed. Or maybe its just me.
3: Meat. All ways, all shapes, all sizes, all the time. Stick said meat on a spit, roast it, and serve it. Preferably wrapped in bacon. The more copious, the better. Supposedly, people are expected to eat about a pound and a half per meal. This doesnt sound like much, but it certainly feels like it.

Well, I'm back home in NY now, and things are getting a little crazy, although I'm probably going to need some time to digest it all before I can post.

May all your hits be crits,
B

Missed Opportunity

So, I was walking back to my apartment yesterday when I ran into my friend Rob's roommate Sam. We exchanged the usual pleasantries, but upon walking by, he asked me if I was with the guys in the white helmets. My block has been under construction for over a year now, and all of the construction workers were taking their lunch break at Sammy's, the local greasy lunch counter. I looked down the sea of white-helmeted men, and said "Yeah, they're my network." Now, I thought this was brilliant. When else am I going to get an opportunity to pull that joke off? Sam just looked at me quizzically, and left. It took me a second to realize that Rob and Sam don't have cable, and that I had wasted this perfect opportunity. Story of my life...

May all your hits be crits (or at least not miss),
B

Natural Disaster Averted

Hey all. So I was watching Spaceballs on Monday night after dinner, when it was interrupted by the Emergency Alert System. However, unlike every other time that I've seen the EAS, this was not a test. Supposedly a tornado was heading our way. Now I've played soccer during a hurricane watch, have gone to Dunkin Donuts in a blizzard, and slept through an earthquake, but a tornado was simply outside my realm of experience. Fortunately, Marie (my intrepid girlfriend), is from Texas and knows exactly what to do about these sort of things, and we left my apartment to look for low ground.

The logical place to go seemed to be the laundry room, as I guess you're supposed to get as close to the ground as possible and stay away from windows. As the laundry room is meant for doing laundry, there was precious little for us to do. After calling my mom back in NY, and being asked by my stepdad if I had ruby slippers, we learned that the tornado was actually going to go directly around us. So back inside we went. However, it continued to pour outside, preventing us from wanting to go anywhere.

When we finally did venture out of doors to head back to Marie's, we were confronted with one of the many issues that plague Hyde Park: there is absolutely no drainage anywhere. The puddle that had formed around our car was about a foot and a half deep and rising. It got to the point where I questioned whether to pay a guide to get across, or simply caulk my wagon and float it. Luckily, Marie is also the kind of person to own enormous rain boots, and was able to ford the river, retrieve the car, and drive us back.

Now the tornado didn't seem too bad, until we realized that it had knocked out a large percentage of the traffic lights between us in Hyde Park and the South Loop. I can only hope that people up there are good drivers. But all in all, it was a very successful tornado.

May all your hits be crits,
B

The Value of Objects

Morning all. I come to you from the second of the UoC's two gyms: The Henry Crown Athletic Center. It was built some time before WWII, and is understandable the less-patronized of the two gyms. Seriously, its like Willy Wonka's factory: Nobody ever goes in, and nobody ever comes out. I might not see another person for the entirety of my 3.5 hours here.

What I really wanted to talk about was the latest patron to blow up at me. This has happened before, usually when I don't let non-members in, or when I tell people the gym has closed. They get mad, sometimes swear, and occasionally threaten to report me to my boss. But yesterday's patron blowup took the cake.

I get a call on the desk phone, and am told to go look for a white IPod on one of the machines. As there needs to be someone manning the desks at all times, I ask my supervisor to go take a look. He goes upstairs, and reports back that he didn't find anything. I had to leave the desk for a second to go open the ice machine in the back for a patron, and while I was gone, somebody dropped her IPod off with my co-worker at the checkout desk. He came over and dropped it off on the far side of my desk, where it was hidden by the computer wires.

So this woman comes in, and asks for the IPod, which, to the best of my knowledge, was still lost. I told her we couldn't find it, at which point Alex pops his head up and tells me it's on the far side of the desk. She has her IPod now, she should be happy, but instead she goes into a screaming tirade (all done in a British accent):

"I'M REPORTING YOU TO YOUR MANAGER FOR YOUR CAVALIER ATTITUDE! YOU'RE TOO FOCUSED ON THE INTERNET TO CARE ABOUT ANYTHING!!! YOU'RE IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY; YOU ARE HERE TO SERVE ME! I HOPE THAT ONE DAY YOU LOSE SOMETHING THAT MEANS A LOT TO YOU!"

At this point, my face goes blank, and I very calmly tell her "Actually, I've lost a parent." While not entirely true, its also not entirely false, and I figured this would chagrin her enough to go away and leave me in peace. Unfortunately that was not to be.

"I MEAN AN OBJECT! THIS IS WHAT I MEAN ABOUT YOUR ATTITUDE! I'M REPORTING YOU TO YOUR MANAGER!!!!"

At which point she turned on her heel and left, without taking my name, which patrons who plan on reporting me usually do. I have very little fear that this is going to happen, and I'm leaving to go home in a week, never to do this job again. But you just can't understand some people...

May all your hits be crits,
B

Random Thoughts

Just a few random thoughts that have come into my head this morning:

*By the "More Flags, More Fun" rationale from the 6 Flags commercial, the United Nations must be the most fun place in the entire universe.
*Just because they come out of a laundry hamper does not mean that they are dirty. In fact, they are the opposite of clean. I am not going to vindictively give you soiled towels, as that might cause me to lose my job.
*When people say a workout "kicks your ass*, that doesn't make it sound like something desirable. Most people go through life attempting to NOT get their ass kicked. Why is it ok when its an inanimate object is going the kicking?

May all your hits be crits,
B

Life or Death?

Being a person who spends significant time interacting with people on the internet, as well as being occasionally hard to deal with, has led to me being told to "Eat Shit and Die" more times than I should be willing to admit. However, and I couldn't tell you what started me thinking about this, would it be worse to Eat Shit and Die or to Eat Shit and Live? As I'm unsure if anyone actually reads this or not, I have no issues with going into it.

ESAD-
Why it's worse: First off, you ate shit. Secondly, you died. Being dead, regardless of what you may have seen on TV or in the movies, probably sucks an incredible amount. Add to this the fact that your last memory is of you consuming shit, your afterlife will not be starting off on the right foot.
Why it might be better: If there isn't an afterlife, you will have no recollection of what you have just done, making the fact that you did it irrelevant. People also tend to only remember the best about the dead, so your last meal probably won't ever come up in conversation. It'll be like it never happened.

ESAL-
Why its worse: You're going to remember this one forever, and worse, so will anyone else who knows about it. You could cure cancer or be the first person to land on Mars, and there would still be a significant portion of the population that would remember you as having eaten shit. It probably won't help your love life any either.
Why it might be better: At least you aren't dead...

If anyone does actually read this, comment with your opinion.

May all your hits be crits,
B

Boats

Last night, I went to Venetian Night as an extra chaperon for one of the summer programs here. Why a group of mostly-18 year old incoming freshmen need 4 chaperons is beyond me, but them's my orders. I had never heard of Venetian Night before. According to the City of Chicago:

Approximately 35 boats will be decorated with lights and props as they sail along beautiful Lake Michigan, between the Shedd Aquarium at Roosevelt Road and the Chicago Yacht Club at Monroe Street. People of all ages stake out spots along the lakefront as early as 9 a.m. to ensure a good view of the event. With an expected attendance of 675,000, public transportation, walking or biking to Venetian Night is suggested.

675,000 people. Wow. That's nearly 12 times the capacity of Shea Stadium, and (according to the Facebook group) 1849 times the size of GULC's Class of 2011. And all for boats? Apparently you can also enter your boat in this parade, but you have to send a letter to both the Commodore and the Rear Commodore. I wonder what qualifies you as a Rear Commodore?

The river was as packed as expected, and our seats were as awful as you'd expect, getting to an event nearly twelve hours after people started lining up. The boats were uninspiring at best, and the city somehow thought it was a great idea to not do anything for 45 minutes between the boats and the fireworks, as well as randomly not running the only bus that takes people down to the South Side. I believe that I could run a city more effectively, and I would work for less money too. Too bad my last name isn't Daley.

Around 3 weeks till home, and a month till G'Town. Get Psyched!

May all your hits be crits,
B

A Trip to the Blockbusters

As I can't do justice to my cat so soon after giving him up, I figured I'd give a quick rundown of the 3 movies I've seen so far this summer.

The Dark Knight: There is very little I can say about this movie that hasn't already been said. Visually impressive, solid plot, and Heath Ledger alone is worth the price of admission. Everyone talks about him winning a posthumous Oscar, but his performance was good enough to take the prize even without the added boost that his death will give his chances. Christian Bale was solid, although he didn't seem as everpresent as he was in the first movie, mostly because the other characters were solid enough that he didn't have to be. Aaron Eckhart was good, and what Maggie Gyllenhall loses to Katie Holmes in the looks department, she more than makes up for with the upgrade she brings as an actress. There is a large part of me that hopes they don't make another one, although I know they will. Let's hope that the third Batman can avoid the curse that seems to follow most third movies.
Grade: A+

WALL-E: I came into this movie with expectations of the kind of masterpiece that critics had been raving about. I came out slightly disappointed, but entertained. While the animation was Pixar's usual level of awesome, and the characters were endearing, the plot dragged at points. The movie was kinda preachy, and the idea of Disney, which has made a vast empire on turning families into consumerist drones and couch potatoes, making a movie whose moral appears to be not to do just that, seems a little hypocritical. If you want to see "the best romantic comedy of the summer", WALL-E very well might be the way to go. However, after you see it, if you want a great animated movie, rewatch Ratatouille. You'll be glad you did.
Grade: B+

Hellboy 2: Of the three movies I mentioned, this is the one that you are least likely to have seen. However, I believe that, if you don't see it, you are doing yourself a great disservice. The acting isn't great, but if you're at this movie, you didn't come for the acting. Guillermo Del Toro puts on one of the greatest spectacles that you'll ever see, with strange looking creatures and breathtaking action scenes galore. I think that you could watch this movie on mute, and the movie wouldn't lose a bit of its impressiveness. A truly brilliant piece of summer escapism.
Grade: A-

May all your hits be crits,
B

Life at the Rat

As usual, I'm writing from my post at the Ratner Athletic Center's front desk. I've been working here on and off for three years, which either means that I secretly love this job, which is unlikely, or that I'm otherwise unemployable. This isn't actually a bad racket. I get paid mostly to surf the internet, and I can get a lot of hours when I want. However, there are three types of people here who drive me out of my mind.

#1: Supervisors who take this job WAY too seriously. Admittedly, this is mostly Sean. Sean played football here at the UoC, and apparently this gives him the right to stomp around and act like he has actual power. I don't know why he feels this way, but he really is a pain in the tail.

#2: Patrons who like to take their bad days out on you. I will admit that this job places me squarely in the service industry, and it is my job to help the customers with whatever issues they might have. However, there are some things that I can't help with and aren't my fault. I don't let you in if you're not a member; that is why I exist. Threatening to complain to my boss will accomplish nothing. Yelling at me will accomplish even less. Calling me an asshole will make me stop being helpful. Also, if i'm not moving as fast as your hectic schedule would like me to, saying "Towel" like I don't speak the language will not speed me up. A little common courtesy would go a long way.

#3: Morons. People who ask me the same thing over and over drive me nuts. If the gym closes at 9, all parts of the gym close at 9. Asking me about every section piecemeal will not yield a section that stays open till 1am; that's just not how things work.

Only a few more weeks. Just gotta keep telling myself that.

May all your hits be crits,
B

What's in a Nick?

I weep for the death of the nickname. I mean when was the last time you saw a person with a great and lasting nickname? I don't mean the kind of genius it takes to call every Matthew Matt, or to bring into being everyone from AJ's to ZJ's (although I admittedly have only seen up to SJ). Where is the brilliance that produced the Big Unit? And, more importantly, why couldn't that have been mine?

I myself have had a seemingly neverending parade of nicknames: B, B-Rad, Ace, Ardell, Pennington, Costanza, etc. All of these were meaningful at the time and place they were given, but none of them seem to stick. Maybe its a function of moving and growing older...

I guess the real reason I mourn the nickname is not for me, but instead for Kevin Garnett. I realize that for me to feel bad for him is kinda ridiculous; I mean, he's a rich, talented NBA star and I'm working at the gym. However, after watching Bull Durham twice last week, the value of a nickname has never seemed more important. Take Garnett as an example: According to the good folks at Wikipedia, who know everything, Garnett has been known as "The Big Ticket", "KG", "The Kid", and formerly "The Franchise". Each of these names has a tremendous flaw. KG lacks originality, and, unless he's been robbing stagecoaches in the offseason, no 30 year old man should ever be known as "The Kid."

"The Franchise" is inaccurate; Garnett's just one of the Big Three. And Garnett deserves better than to be remember as the only way to sell tickets for an awful set of Minnesota teams. Unfortunately, most of the great nicknames appear to be taken (mostly by Shaq). I mean, Garnett was The Truth, but Paul Pierce was also The Truth. Allen Iverson is supposedly The Answer, but the only question I can think of is "Who will have scored the most points without ever winning a title?" Garnett was way more of an answer, but unfortunately he loses out again. As a solution to this, I now proclaim him, with the blessing of Wikipedia, The Force.

As for me, I'm hoping law school brings a more permanent, or at least more complimentary, moniker. Oh well, there's always Ace...

May all your hits be crits,
B

Back to the "Blogosphere"

Well damn. I thought blogging had lost its luster for me when my teenage years came to a close. However, I guess I'm at a turning point in my life, and turning points seem to be the kind of thing that make you reflect and pull you back into past habits. Oh well, here goes nothing:

I'll start with a description. I'm a nearly 22-year old, soon to be 1L based in either Brooklyn, New York (where my parents live), Chicago (where I am currently), Connecticut (where my drivers' licence was issued), or Washington D.C. (where Georgetown, my future alma mater, is located). I recently finished up 4 years here at the University of Chicago, leaving with a degree in History, a great girlfriend, a fraternity membership, and a whole load of books of which I need to rid myself before I go home. I currently split my working hours between working at the UoC gym, which I'm actually doing right now, and doing odd jobs for various Jewish organizations on campus (anything from soliciting donations to rerouting the rain gutters).

My hobbies can be split into three major categories, Common, Loser and Athlete. The common stuff is what everyone does: hang out with friends, watch movies, listen to music. For the sake of getting it out there, my favorite band is the White Stripes, and my favorite movie is Pulp Fiction. I guess what those both have in common is a nice wide streak of pretentiousness. I really hope I'm not pretentious, as way too many people annoy me with just that quality.

I don't play sports nearly as often as I'd like, both due to laziness and a lack of people to play with. When active, I love football, soccer, and broomball (midwestern game that is like hockey with no skates). I always have been a sports nut, having learned to read relatively early on by reading the NY Times sports page. I am a die-hard fan of Rangers hockey, Jets football, and Mets baseball. I used to be a Knicks fan before I realized that the Knicks are like the worst girlfriend in history.

Let me explain. You have some great times together (Ewing teams of the mid-90s, Improbable Finals run in '99), but one day you wake up and realize that those good times are long gone. You don't give up on the relationship, and you weather the hard times, but eventually the selfishness, insensitivity, and incompetence (read: Isaiah) take its toll, and you break up. Within a few weeks, they're back, telling you that they've changed their ways, and pointing out some legitimate attempts (David Lee) at self-improvement. So you take them back, but soon you realize that they haven't changed a bit. However, the worst part of all is that they've ruined you for any other relationship, and you're stuck alone and lost.

The Loser part of me, which everyone at UoC has, be they debate nerds, theater nerds, Trekkies, etc..., is a Gamer Nerd. This is probably one of the more reviled types of nerd, as gamer nerds tend to lack in both hygene and social graces. My nerdery is confined to Magic and Warcraft, both of which attract me by appealing to the more meticulous parts of my nature. I don't LARP, I don't DND, and I'm certainly not the type to attend conventions of any sort, but I'm still a proud, outspoken, gamer nerd.

I guess that this is a decent place to end my first post, although some might argue that the world would have been better served if I'd ended before I began. The next post will either be sports-related (as many of the posts will be), movie-related (just saw WALL-E and Hellboy, gonna see Dark Knight soon), or about my new cat.

May all your hits be crits,
B