As so often happens, I plan to blog about things, but then something comes up that is way more worth blogging about, and i forget to blog about the original thing. This is what it about to happen, and since i'm discussing it instead of Perry's visit and the Green Day concert, it must be something worth noting. And it is...
So I'm a hairy motherfucker. This is not my terminology, but that used to describe me the summer before my senior year of high school. Now having a hairy chest is apparently not so bad, but the back...not so much. Marie has complained about this in the past, and finally I told her that if she booked the appointment, that I'd get it done. I didn't believe she'd actually go through with it, but lo and behold, she got her act together enough to set today as the date.
So I go into the salon, and the first thing they ask is "Are you here to be serviced?" My first, mental response was, "Yep, I'm here to lay some pipe. Bow Chicka Bow Wow..." Fortunately, I occasionally keep things to myself. So after filling out a form or two, I was escorted to the back by Marie, and a woman with a pleasant Jamaican accent. This would turn out to be essential; you REALLY don't want a woman with a German accent ripping hair out of you, but a Jamaican accent is somehow more soothing.
I laid down on the table, and the ripping commenced. As it turned out, it wasn't so bad. Kinda like a backrub for masochists. Plus, when they were done, I got strips of cloth dipped in tea placed on my back, so I smelled funny on top of everything else. In the next 90 minutes, I learned a lot of things:
1. I jump when hot wax is poured on my back. This is a fact of life. It's not like it was too hot, but the hot wax barrier is one that I heretofore had yet to broach. It's a weird sensation, and doesn't get any less weird after having it done multiple times in a short timespan.
2. There are more and less sensative parts of my back. You can yank the hair out of my lower back with abandon, and it doesn't really matter. The neck, on the other hand, is REALLY REALLY unpleasant to have abused multiple times in a row.
3. My back is really really pale without any hair on it. I don't normally go outside to tan, but I think I'm going to have to. It's pretty ridiculous looking.
4. Anyone who has this done anywhere near their private parts is batshit insane.
They say this needs to be done every 3 weeks. This is NOT happening, but I probably could be talked into doing it again. Worse things have happened.
May all your hits be crits,
B
