I realize it has been a while since I posted, but as will tend to be the case from now on, I'm going to post only when things are too good to let go.
So, Saturday night rolled around, and Marie and I appeared to be pretty content not to do much. We'd had a bunch of plans at different points, but all of them had either not formed or had fallen through. Worse yet, after looking through a bunch of thrift stores for M*A*S*H* related costumes, we had come up empty, and didn't really have anything to wear. At about 8:00pm, we got a call from Amy, who was in Marie's grad program, saying that, if we wanted to, we could get dressed and go to TOWN with a whole group of people. This set off 40 minutes of Marie and I frantically looking for something to wear. I very quickly found my freshman year soccer jersey, and was set to go. Marie, after looking around for a while, took my drunken advice from the previous night (though the costume was originally meant for me) and went as a sexy cow.
We met up with the rest of the group, and after some getting ready and a few beers, we walked out into a drizzle. Our parade included: A drag Dorothy (with S&M Toto), a Tin Man (complete with paint), a Scarecrow, two Swine Flu pigs (H1 and N1), a chef, another soccer player (with ref), an Amish woman, a punk, Jackie O'Lantern (if JFK had married a pumpkin...), with Marie and I bringing up the rear. We had to walk about half a mile down U Street in order to get to the club (U Street is the bar district). Needless to say, we were VERY popular, with people shout-outing/catcalling nearly all of us at one point or another.
While the club was fun and crazy (I still believe our Dorothy got screwed in the costume contest), the other truly-noteworthy moment came after we got back home. Marie hadn't eaten, so we stopped in for some Chinese near our apartment. Right after we came in, Batman and a bee entered and took the table across from us. While this wouldn't normally be noteworthy, the look on the faces of the staff (especially when Batman didn't take his mask fully off, even through dinner) was priceless. Halloween, where costumed eating happens...
May all your hits be crits,
B
Monday, November 2, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Waxed
As so often happens, I plan to blog about things, but then something comes up that is way more worth blogging about, and i forget to blog about the original thing. This is what it about to happen, and since i'm discussing it instead of Perry's visit and the Green Day concert, it must be something worth noting. And it is...
So I'm a hairy motherfucker. This is not my terminology, but that used to describe me the summer before my senior year of high school. Now having a hairy chest is apparently not so bad, but the back...not so much. Marie has complained about this in the past, and finally I told her that if she booked the appointment, that I'd get it done. I didn't believe she'd actually go through with it, but lo and behold, she got her act together enough to set today as the date.
So I go into the salon, and the first thing they ask is "Are you here to be serviced?" My first, mental response was, "Yep, I'm here to lay some pipe. Bow Chicka Bow Wow..." Fortunately, I occasionally keep things to myself. So after filling out a form or two, I was escorted to the back by Marie, and a woman with a pleasant Jamaican accent. This would turn out to be essential; you REALLY don't want a woman with a German accent ripping hair out of you, but a Jamaican accent is somehow more soothing.
I laid down on the table, and the ripping commenced. As it turned out, it wasn't so bad. Kinda like a backrub for masochists. Plus, when they were done, I got strips of cloth dipped in tea placed on my back, so I smelled funny on top of everything else. In the next 90 minutes, I learned a lot of things:
1. I jump when hot wax is poured on my back. This is a fact of life. It's not like it was too hot, but the hot wax barrier is one that I heretofore had yet to broach. It's a weird sensation, and doesn't get any less weird after having it done multiple times in a short timespan.
2. There are more and less sensative parts of my back. You can yank the hair out of my lower back with abandon, and it doesn't really matter. The neck, on the other hand, is REALLY REALLY unpleasant to have abused multiple times in a row.
3. My back is really really pale without any hair on it. I don't normally go outside to tan, but I think I'm going to have to. It's pretty ridiculous looking.
4. Anyone who has this done anywhere near their private parts is batshit insane.
They say this needs to be done every 3 weeks. This is NOT happening, but I probably could be talked into doing it again. Worse things have happened.
May all your hits be crits,
B
So I'm a hairy motherfucker. This is not my terminology, but that used to describe me the summer before my senior year of high school. Now having a hairy chest is apparently not so bad, but the back...not so much. Marie has complained about this in the past, and finally I told her that if she booked the appointment, that I'd get it done. I didn't believe she'd actually go through with it, but lo and behold, she got her act together enough to set today as the date.
So I go into the salon, and the first thing they ask is "Are you here to be serviced?" My first, mental response was, "Yep, I'm here to lay some pipe. Bow Chicka Bow Wow..." Fortunately, I occasionally keep things to myself. So after filling out a form or two, I was escorted to the back by Marie, and a woman with a pleasant Jamaican accent. This would turn out to be essential; you REALLY don't want a woman with a German accent ripping hair out of you, but a Jamaican accent is somehow more soothing.
I laid down on the table, and the ripping commenced. As it turned out, it wasn't so bad. Kinda like a backrub for masochists. Plus, when they were done, I got strips of cloth dipped in tea placed on my back, so I smelled funny on top of everything else. In the next 90 minutes, I learned a lot of things:
1. I jump when hot wax is poured on my back. This is a fact of life. It's not like it was too hot, but the hot wax barrier is one that I heretofore had yet to broach. It's a weird sensation, and doesn't get any less weird after having it done multiple times in a short timespan.
2. There are more and less sensative parts of my back. You can yank the hair out of my lower back with abandon, and it doesn't really matter. The neck, on the other hand, is REALLY REALLY unpleasant to have abused multiple times in a row.
3. My back is really really pale without any hair on it. I don't normally go outside to tan, but I think I'm going to have to. It's pretty ridiculous looking.
4. Anyone who has this done anywhere near their private parts is batshit insane.
They say this needs to be done every 3 weeks. This is NOT happening, but I probably could be talked into doing it again. Worse things have happened.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wow, WoW
So the big news of my morning was that Sam Raimi just signed on to direct the World of Warcraft movie. Pair him up with the producer from Dark Knight, and this seems like one hell of a movie. I mean, this could be the first decent video game adaptation since the first Mortal Kombat. However, the problem with this movie is that they're inevitably going to do it from the point of view of the Alliance. Let's see: We have an epic quest being taken on by a human, an elf, a dwarf, various other little people. I think I've seen this movie before, but I can't remember where...
Now, imagine, if you will, if they made the movie from the point of view of the Horde. You still have an elf, but your other heroes are a troll, an orc, a zombie, and a 7 foot tall cow-person. While the possibilities of romance are slim (and would be kinda ooky even if they happened), this would be such a different and interesting movie that it would be worth watching. But oh well, maybe a sequel?
May all your hits be crits,
B
Now, imagine, if you will, if they made the movie from the point of view of the Horde. You still have an elf, but your other heroes are a troll, an orc, a zombie, and a 7 foot tall cow-person. While the possibilities of romance are slim (and would be kinda ooky even if they happened), this would be such a different and interesting movie that it would be worth watching. But oh well, maybe a sequel?
May all your hits be crits,
B
Saturday, June 20, 2009
A Voyage to DC
This has been a long time coming, but it needed to be documented.
So I got into Chicago the Thursday before Alumni Weekend, and after a brief stop at Costco, rushed off to The Snail in honor of Hollie Gilman's birthday. For those of you who aren't UoCers, there are two important facts to know about Hollie Gilman:
1. Louis Potok is NOT Hollie Gilman.
2. Hollie knows EVERYBODY.
So I shouldn't have been surprised by the scene that awaited me upon entering the restaurant. The Snail is a tasty, if somewhat small, Thai restaurant, and our party took up nearly the entire thing. There was plenty of food, plenty of booze, and not nearly enough chairs (to the point where Marie spent most of dinner sitting half on a chair and half on my left leg). After the party, most of the group ended up at Jimmy's (which I hate), then mercifully, I was allowed to collapse in bed.
Friday was the first day of Alumni Weekend, and after putting on my nametag (with accompaning spiffy ribbons), I walked around campus to see who was around. The nametag was very fortunate, or else I don't think people would have recognized me. I guess losing 40 lbs in a year will do that, but it was tons of fun to see people do double-takes when they realized who I was. Marie and I hopped around on the reception circuit, getting from a faculty reception on campus, to a Metcalf reception (where we picked up an increasingly tipsy Arianna), to the Goose Island brewery in Wrigleyville. After spending some time there, eating chicken wings and drinking a bunch of beer, Marie and I grabbed a few of her friends and we jumped a cab to the far north side to do karaoke. Upon arriving in the room, two things were readily apparent: There were a lot of people in a very small room, and (along with the words to the songs) there were nude women on the screens. I don't know whose decision this was, but someone decided that the softcore porn channel would be the perfect accompaniment to karaoke. This gets even funnier when the porn goes on regardless of what song it is, and that the porn doesn't change between songs by Metallica and those by Weezer. One would at least assume that this would necessitate a change of porn, but not according to the powers that be at the karaoke place. I actually put forward a passable rendition of Enter Sandman before heading back to Hyde Park.
Saturday was the major fraternity/sorority day on campus, and it started with a trip to AEPi for the alumni barbecue. I don't know what they did to the pledges this year, but they actually appear to be human beings for the second year in a row. They cleaned the place up, were good to talk to, and do all of the things that we failed to do. We managed to be decent at Greek Sing this year, and it was incredibly fun to sing the Jews in Space song from History of the World, Part 1, in front of everyone. The GO Party, which Chicago always pumps up as something to look forward to, was not so exciting. I think that next year, I will make this the NO GO party, and go do something cool instead.
The rest of the week was filled with a whirlwind of packing and moving things, but there were a few highlights mixed in:
* Wok-N-Roll with Aaron after filling 3/4 of a U-Haul with Marie's stuff.
* Tapas at Cafe Iberico with Marie's friend from Texas, complete with phallic dessert.
* A BBQ hosted by the head of Marie's program, and enjoying the company of his large, poorly behaved dog.
So basically, we ate, we packed, and the days passed quickly.
Marie graduated on Friday, and it was a lot more enjoyable than last year. First, I didn't have to wear that damn gown, making it less than 10000 degrees. Secondly, the speaker was less awful than last year's. And most importantly, it was shorter. Marie was happy, and looked awesome, and both of those are always a plus. The experience was only slightly marred by the fact that I had to go be part of the best dressed moving company ever, along with Marie's friend Stuart, who joined me in running back to Marie's to get the final moving done and to help sell her microwave. After an epic final dinner at Greek Islands with assorted friends and family, it was back to Marie's (now empty) apartment to sleep the precious few hours before the journey was to begin.
On Friday night, we promised to get ready to leave for 7am. This didn't happen. It was about 11am before we got on the road. When we did finally leave, I was well packed into the back seat, meaning that I had stuff packed in all around me, to the point where I wasn't going anywhere even if I'd wanted to. Fortunately, I had Ellie packed in the back with me, and once she figured out that she wasn't going anywhere, she stopped yowling and chilled for most of the car ride. The trip, surprisingly, wasn't too bad. The music was solid, the conversation was pretty interesting, and the billboards in the middle of nowhere were fascinating. I mostly want to point out that there are a lot of billboards for fireworks in states that sell them, and that in Pennsylvania, you can buy an automatic camoflage crossbow. I don't really want a crossbow, but this did tell me what kind of place I was in, and it looked really cool. We only made a handful of stops, and made almost no turns (just hopping from turnpike to turnpike), and at about midnight Sunday morning, we finally arrived at our apartment. (Sidenote: Its REALLY REALLY cool that I can call it our apartment now.) After stopping in at Eat First (a Chinese restaurant at which you Eat First, and ask questions later), our journey was over, and we were finally home.
Its been three weeks now, and our apartment is nothing short of amazing, at least since we finally unpacked it. Hopefully we can attempt to keep it clean (which would be the first time I've ever been able to do that), and start inviting more people over. But so far, so good.
May all your hits be crits,
B
So I got into Chicago the Thursday before Alumni Weekend, and after a brief stop at Costco, rushed off to The Snail in honor of Hollie Gilman's birthday. For those of you who aren't UoCers, there are two important facts to know about Hollie Gilman:
1. Louis Potok is NOT Hollie Gilman.
2. Hollie knows EVERYBODY.
So I shouldn't have been surprised by the scene that awaited me upon entering the restaurant. The Snail is a tasty, if somewhat small, Thai restaurant, and our party took up nearly the entire thing. There was plenty of food, plenty of booze, and not nearly enough chairs (to the point where Marie spent most of dinner sitting half on a chair and half on my left leg). After the party, most of the group ended up at Jimmy's (which I hate), then mercifully, I was allowed to collapse in bed.
Friday was the first day of Alumni Weekend, and after putting on my nametag (with accompaning spiffy ribbons), I walked around campus to see who was around. The nametag was very fortunate, or else I don't think people would have recognized me. I guess losing 40 lbs in a year will do that, but it was tons of fun to see people do double-takes when they realized who I was. Marie and I hopped around on the reception circuit, getting from a faculty reception on campus, to a Metcalf reception (where we picked up an increasingly tipsy Arianna), to the Goose Island brewery in Wrigleyville. After spending some time there, eating chicken wings and drinking a bunch of beer, Marie and I grabbed a few of her friends and we jumped a cab to the far north side to do karaoke. Upon arriving in the room, two things were readily apparent: There were a lot of people in a very small room, and (along with the words to the songs) there were nude women on the screens. I don't know whose decision this was, but someone decided that the softcore porn channel would be the perfect accompaniment to karaoke. This gets even funnier when the porn goes on regardless of what song it is, and that the porn doesn't change between songs by Metallica and those by Weezer. One would at least assume that this would necessitate a change of porn, but not according to the powers that be at the karaoke place. I actually put forward a passable rendition of Enter Sandman before heading back to Hyde Park.
Saturday was the major fraternity/sorority day on campus, and it started with a trip to AEPi for the alumni barbecue. I don't know what they did to the pledges this year, but they actually appear to be human beings for the second year in a row. They cleaned the place up, were good to talk to, and do all of the things that we failed to do. We managed to be decent at Greek Sing this year, and it was incredibly fun to sing the Jews in Space song from History of the World, Part 1, in front of everyone. The GO Party, which Chicago always pumps up as something to look forward to, was not so exciting. I think that next year, I will make this the NO GO party, and go do something cool instead.
The rest of the week was filled with a whirlwind of packing and moving things, but there were a few highlights mixed in:
* Wok-N-Roll with Aaron after filling 3/4 of a U-Haul with Marie's stuff.
* Tapas at Cafe Iberico with Marie's friend from Texas, complete with phallic dessert.
* A BBQ hosted by the head of Marie's program, and enjoying the company of his large, poorly behaved dog.
So basically, we ate, we packed, and the days passed quickly.
Marie graduated on Friday, and it was a lot more enjoyable than last year. First, I didn't have to wear that damn gown, making it less than 10000 degrees. Secondly, the speaker was less awful than last year's. And most importantly, it was shorter. Marie was happy, and looked awesome, and both of those are always a plus. The experience was only slightly marred by the fact that I had to go be part of the best dressed moving company ever, along with Marie's friend Stuart, who joined me in running back to Marie's to get the final moving done and to help sell her microwave. After an epic final dinner at Greek Islands with assorted friends and family, it was back to Marie's (now empty) apartment to sleep the precious few hours before the journey was to begin.
On Friday night, we promised to get ready to leave for 7am. This didn't happen. It was about 11am before we got on the road. When we did finally leave, I was well packed into the back seat, meaning that I had stuff packed in all around me, to the point where I wasn't going anywhere even if I'd wanted to. Fortunately, I had Ellie packed in the back with me, and once she figured out that she wasn't going anywhere, she stopped yowling and chilled for most of the car ride. The trip, surprisingly, wasn't too bad. The music was solid, the conversation was pretty interesting, and the billboards in the middle of nowhere were fascinating. I mostly want to point out that there are a lot of billboards for fireworks in states that sell them, and that in Pennsylvania, you can buy an automatic camoflage crossbow. I don't really want a crossbow, but this did tell me what kind of place I was in, and it looked really cool. We only made a handful of stops, and made almost no turns (just hopping from turnpike to turnpike), and at about midnight Sunday morning, we finally arrived at our apartment. (Sidenote: Its REALLY REALLY cool that I can call it our apartment now.) After stopping in at Eat First (a Chinese restaurant at which you Eat First, and ask questions later), our journey was over, and we were finally home.
Its been three weeks now, and our apartment is nothing short of amazing, at least since we finally unpacked it. Hopefully we can attempt to keep it clean (which would be the first time I've ever been able to do that), and start inviting more people over. But so far, so good.
May all your hits be crits,
B
A Musical Dilemma
I change my favorite song pretty frequently, as favorites go, but for the better part of the past year, my favorite song has been "Chelsea Dagger" by the Fratellis. Had I told this to ANYONE in the US before very recently, their response would have been something like "What by the who now?" However, the song has recently been featured both by the Chicago Blackhawks (as their goal song), and by Amstel Light, supporting the fact that their beer is brewed in Amsterdam by using a song from a Scottish rock band that is most commonly associated with soccer teams that do not hail from the Netherlands.
My dilemma is: Is the fact that my favorite song is getting exposure a good thing for me? On one hand, it's nice to know that other people know this song, and (I assume) kinda like it. However, I don't want to seem like the kind of person who likes the song ONLY because they heard it in a beer commercial. I mean, I have all of their albums (granted, there are only two), and I liked the song long before Amstel Light got the idea. Furthermore, I dont like Amstel Light. Maybe I need a new favorite song...
May all your hits be crits,
B
My dilemma is: Is the fact that my favorite song is getting exposure a good thing for me? On one hand, it's nice to know that other people know this song, and (I assume) kinda like it. However, I don't want to seem like the kind of person who likes the song ONLY because they heard it in a beer commercial. I mean, I have all of their albums (granted, there are only two), and I liked the song long before Amstel Light got the idea. Furthermore, I dont like Amstel Light. Maybe I need a new favorite song...
May all your hits be crits,
B
Friday, May 29, 2009
In Defense of Nerdery
This actually happened to me during the write-on competition, but I was busy enough that I didn’t want to waste time putting it down on “paper.” Now that I’ve got some time (original composition of this post happened on a bus from DC to NY), I feel like I should get this out there.
So, it’s Thursday, and I’m relaxing by the Mass Court pool, finishing up my write-on reading, when a group of the other residents sit down near me, and start talking. The conversation wasn’t the most interesting thing ever, and it was pretty clear that they weren’t the type to be friendly to people they didn’t know, so I tried my best to just tune it out. However, my interest was piqued when they moved to the subject of gamers. As usual, these “popular” kids couldn’t possibly understand why anyone would want to play video games for fun, surmising that it must be because “they can’t go to a bar and pick up a girl.” Now this kinda annoyed me; who’s to say that going to a bar to get hammered and pick up some floozy for meaningless sex is the end-all/be-all of existence? But what really got me was the last comment they made on the topic, which came from one of the women in this conversation:
“So I was at a bar last weekend, in the ladies room, and I hear this girl talking to her friend. The friend asks, ‘Where’s your boyfriend?’ The girl is like, “He’s at home, with his friends, playing WoW. I think I’ll go over later and play WoW with him.” And this is a HOT girl. What’s the world coming to?”
This just pissed me off. Ok, we get it, it’s “cooler” by some arbitrary standard to get wasted and act like a moron than it is to stay at home and play Warcraft. But who are you to say that acceptance others is not a good thing? I agree, the stereotype of the gamer is some overweight, pimply kid who never showers and lives in his parents’ basement watching internet porn and is entirely incapable of normal human contact. But we’re not all like that. Along with those who I’m sure would fit your stereotype, the gamer community includes students, people with jobs, and parents who game alongside their kids. Just because we don’t fit some ideal of what one should be doing with their Saturday night doesn’t mean that what we choose to do is not just as valuable to us as your drunken weekend escapades are to you. To belittle anyone for not fitting themselves into whatever small social compartment that you believe their outward appearance would force them into is wrong, and more than a bit pathetic.
To quote the classic Revenge of the Nerds (which has been on G4 pretty much constantly), “none of us can be free until nerd persecution ends.”
May all your hits be crits,
B
So, it’s Thursday, and I’m relaxing by the Mass Court pool, finishing up my write-on reading, when a group of the other residents sit down near me, and start talking. The conversation wasn’t the most interesting thing ever, and it was pretty clear that they weren’t the type to be friendly to people they didn’t know, so I tried my best to just tune it out. However, my interest was piqued when they moved to the subject of gamers. As usual, these “popular” kids couldn’t possibly understand why anyone would want to play video games for fun, surmising that it must be because “they can’t go to a bar and pick up a girl.” Now this kinda annoyed me; who’s to say that going to a bar to get hammered and pick up some floozy for meaningless sex is the end-all/be-all of existence? But what really got me was the last comment they made on the topic, which came from one of the women in this conversation:
“So I was at a bar last weekend, in the ladies room, and I hear this girl talking to her friend. The friend asks, ‘Where’s your boyfriend?’ The girl is like, “He’s at home, with his friends, playing WoW. I think I’ll go over later and play WoW with him.” And this is a HOT girl. What’s the world coming to?”
This just pissed me off. Ok, we get it, it’s “cooler” by some arbitrary standard to get wasted and act like a moron than it is to stay at home and play Warcraft. But who are you to say that acceptance others is not a good thing? I agree, the stereotype of the gamer is some overweight, pimply kid who never showers and lives in his parents’ basement watching internet porn and is entirely incapable of normal human contact. But we’re not all like that. Along with those who I’m sure would fit your stereotype, the gamer community includes students, people with jobs, and parents who game alongside their kids. Just because we don’t fit some ideal of what one should be doing with their Saturday night doesn’t mean that what we choose to do is not just as valuable to us as your drunken weekend escapades are to you. To belittle anyone for not fitting themselves into whatever small social compartment that you believe their outward appearance would force them into is wrong, and more than a bit pathetic.
To quote the classic Revenge of the Nerds (which has been on G4 pretty much constantly), “none of us can be free until nerd persecution ends.”
May all your hits be crits,
B
Music of the 90s
The 1990s might be my favorite musical decade of all time. This is probably attributable to the fact that I lived through it, and have memories of when the songs came out. However, even I'm aware that the 90s were a very uneven decade when it came to music. There was really no common thread, and there were as many misses for me as there were hits. As a thought experiment, I decided to put on the "90's" station (brought to you by Comcast) to get a quick survey of the decade in music. Here's the list, with a few comments.
1. Losing My Religion (REM)- "Oh...life is bigger/It's bigger than you/and you are not me." Quite possibly the most ridiculous set of lyrics I've ever heard. The song itself might be one of the best of the decade though.
2. Good Vibrations (Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)- Who would have thought that Marky Mark would have had a career after this song came out? Beautiful thing about this country; old celebrities never die, they just find new ways to resurrect.
3. Bitch (Meredith Brooks)- Maybe it's because I'm a dude, and couldn't possibly relate to this song. However, I don't know a woman who doesn't like this song. I guess its the "I Will Survive" of the 90s.
4. Achy Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus)- I rue the day this man was born. Not only is this up in the top 5 worst songs of the decade (listen to the Weird Al parody at some point, so good), and NOT ONLY did he have the world's dumbest mullet, but he brought forth the plague that is Hannah Montana. Yuck.
5. Hold My Hand (Hootie and the Blowfish)- I was watching Jerry MacGuire, and it never fails to crack me up when the kid goes up to Cuba Gooding Jr., and asks "Are you Hootie?" I'm sure Darius Rucker has been asked that question a billion times, and I'm pretty sure that it used to piss him off somethign righteous. Too bad they only had one good album...
6. Braking all the Rules (She Moves)- Now I'd never heard of this band before, but I'm sure the brains behind this song had a thought pattern that went something like this: "You know that 'Tearin Up My Heart' song is doing pretty well. Why don't we make another song that sounds just like it in every way, but have women singing it? It can't miss..." But it did.
7. I Could Fall in Love (Selena)- I can't tell if the movie was a good thing for her memory. The movie wasn't bad, but I'm pretty sure that most people just remember J.Lo.
8. No Rain (Blind Melon)- Everyone knows the song, and most remember the video. Too bad they didn't put anything else out; I guess that's the downside of a heroin addiction.
9. The Way You Do the Things You Do (UB-40)- I know this was a cover, but I can't for the life of me remember who they were covering. Also, did they ever do a song that was not a cover?
10. Baby, One More Time (Britney Spears)- Oh Britney, Britney, how were we supposed to know? Pop stars have a short shelflife, until they start doing ridiculous, embarassing shit (See, Jackson, Michael) but nobody could have predicted that you would flame out so spectacularly.
11. You Mean the World To Me (Toni Braxton)- Almost forgot this song existed. I guess that's the effect of making possibly the most melodramatic song of all time.
12. Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman)- I wonder what ever happened to her. I loved her voice, just perfect and bluesy. But two major hits and we never heard from her again. Pity.
13. Graduate (Third Eye Blind)- This song got lost in the uproar over Semi-Charmed Life and Jumper, but it was a legitimate hit in its own right. These guys are possibly the best example of the scourge of 90s bands- the inability to follow up an amazing debut (Hootie and the Blowfish, Alanis Morrisette, etc...). At least they put out one amazing album.
14. Mo Money, Mo Problems (Too many artists for me to remember)- Honestly, why in hell does Diddy (or at the time the song came out, still Puff Daddy) feel the need to ruin perfectly good songs by putting himself in the song? He's just not very good at rapping, and should leave it to the professionals.
15. Unbelievable (EMF)- A perfect example of the mid-90s one-hit wonder. An extremely catchy song with a hook people remember, and nobody knows any words outside of the chorus.
16. As Long As You Love Me (Backstreet Boys)- I hate bubblegum pop. Its just brutal on the brain. I mean, at least Disney has not achieved total cultural saturation with its current infection of this schlock. I'm proud to say that I have not heard one single song put out by any of these Disney pseudo-bands.
17. U Can't Touch This (MC Hammer)- What a fantastic sample, possibly the best of all time. Also, the male orc dance in WoW is the MC Hammer dance, which is awesome.
18. Walking on Broken Glass (The Eurythmics)- A forgotten song, mostly because of how unbelivably good Sweet Dreams was. The Eurythmics are undeniably cool, and I think I should listen to more of them at some point.
19. What Is Love (Haddaway)- Maybe I'm the only person who liked Night at the Roxbury (while realizing that the movie wasn't very good), but this song is pretty much the only thing people remember about it. The Diet Pepsi commercial last year using it was pretty excellent.
20. Everything I Do, I Do It For You (Bryan Adams)- It might be unmanly to say, but I like this song. I guess it came out early enough that I don't remember the incredible overplay that I'm sure accompanied its release. The movie disappointed, especially given how incredible the cast was, but it led to one hell of a parody. At least the song endured.
In summation, the 90s was a weird music decade. Some amazing stuff at the beginning, nothing good at the end, and a bunch of bright gems popping up throughout. Fortunately, the good stuff was good enough to save the decade, and make it awesome.
May all your hits be crits,
B
1. Losing My Religion (REM)- "Oh...life is bigger/It's bigger than you/and you are not me." Quite possibly the most ridiculous set of lyrics I've ever heard. The song itself might be one of the best of the decade though.
2. Good Vibrations (Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)- Who would have thought that Marky Mark would have had a career after this song came out? Beautiful thing about this country; old celebrities never die, they just find new ways to resurrect.
3. Bitch (Meredith Brooks)- Maybe it's because I'm a dude, and couldn't possibly relate to this song. However, I don't know a woman who doesn't like this song. I guess its the "I Will Survive" of the 90s.
4. Achy Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus)- I rue the day this man was born. Not only is this up in the top 5 worst songs of the decade (listen to the Weird Al parody at some point, so good), and NOT ONLY did he have the world's dumbest mullet, but he brought forth the plague that is Hannah Montana. Yuck.
5. Hold My Hand (Hootie and the Blowfish)- I was watching Jerry MacGuire, and it never fails to crack me up when the kid goes up to Cuba Gooding Jr., and asks "Are you Hootie?" I'm sure Darius Rucker has been asked that question a billion times, and I'm pretty sure that it used to piss him off somethign righteous. Too bad they only had one good album...
6. Braking all the Rules (She Moves)- Now I'd never heard of this band before, but I'm sure the brains behind this song had a thought pattern that went something like this: "You know that 'Tearin Up My Heart' song is doing pretty well. Why don't we make another song that sounds just like it in every way, but have women singing it? It can't miss..." But it did.
7. I Could Fall in Love (Selena)- I can't tell if the movie was a good thing for her memory. The movie wasn't bad, but I'm pretty sure that most people just remember J.Lo.
8. No Rain (Blind Melon)- Everyone knows the song, and most remember the video. Too bad they didn't put anything else out; I guess that's the downside of a heroin addiction.
9. The Way You Do the Things You Do (UB-40)- I know this was a cover, but I can't for the life of me remember who they were covering. Also, did they ever do a song that was not a cover?
10. Baby, One More Time (Britney Spears)- Oh Britney, Britney, how were we supposed to know? Pop stars have a short shelflife, until they start doing ridiculous, embarassing shit (See, Jackson, Michael) but nobody could have predicted that you would flame out so spectacularly.
11. You Mean the World To Me (Toni Braxton)- Almost forgot this song existed. I guess that's the effect of making possibly the most melodramatic song of all time.
12. Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman)- I wonder what ever happened to her. I loved her voice, just perfect and bluesy. But two major hits and we never heard from her again. Pity.
13. Graduate (Third Eye Blind)- This song got lost in the uproar over Semi-Charmed Life and Jumper, but it was a legitimate hit in its own right. These guys are possibly the best example of the scourge of 90s bands- the inability to follow up an amazing debut (Hootie and the Blowfish, Alanis Morrisette, etc...). At least they put out one amazing album.
14. Mo Money, Mo Problems (Too many artists for me to remember)- Honestly, why in hell does Diddy (or at the time the song came out, still Puff Daddy) feel the need to ruin perfectly good songs by putting himself in the song? He's just not very good at rapping, and should leave it to the professionals.
15. Unbelievable (EMF)- A perfect example of the mid-90s one-hit wonder. An extremely catchy song with a hook people remember, and nobody knows any words outside of the chorus.
16. As Long As You Love Me (Backstreet Boys)- I hate bubblegum pop. Its just brutal on the brain. I mean, at least Disney has not achieved total cultural saturation with its current infection of this schlock. I'm proud to say that I have not heard one single song put out by any of these Disney pseudo-bands.
17. U Can't Touch This (MC Hammer)- What a fantastic sample, possibly the best of all time. Also, the male orc dance in WoW is the MC Hammer dance, which is awesome.
18. Walking on Broken Glass (The Eurythmics)- A forgotten song, mostly because of how unbelivably good Sweet Dreams was. The Eurythmics are undeniably cool, and I think I should listen to more of them at some point.
19. What Is Love (Haddaway)- Maybe I'm the only person who liked Night at the Roxbury (while realizing that the movie wasn't very good), but this song is pretty much the only thing people remember about it. The Diet Pepsi commercial last year using it was pretty excellent.
20. Everything I Do, I Do It For You (Bryan Adams)- It might be unmanly to say, but I like this song. I guess it came out early enough that I don't remember the incredible overplay that I'm sure accompanied its release. The movie disappointed, especially given how incredible the cast was, but it led to one hell of a parody. At least the song endured.
In summation, the 90s was a weird music decade. Some amazing stuff at the beginning, nothing good at the end, and a bunch of bright gems popping up throughout. Fortunately, the good stuff was good enough to save the decade, and make it awesome.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Monday, May 25, 2009
How I got KEA-d
Well, I'm in my new apartment, which is pretty awesome, especially since you can tell that it's really coming together. We've got a couch, bed, TV's, dining room set, etc, already set. The only thing left for me to put together was this red kitchen storage unit. Now, I'm usually really good with IKEA stuff. I mean, how much talent does it take to follow the pictures? However, this one really got me. First, the shelves of the unit are various quadrilaterals: one rectangle, two things that could probably be considered trapezoida, and one thing that might well be a parallelogram. Normally, I just follow the pictures and can deal with this sort of thing, but this time there were two pictures: beginning and end. This must be how the crew of the Enterprise feels; the instructions were, in effect, "make it so." So, I blindly embarked on my task, and soon learned that this would have been a hell of a lot easier with two people than one, as someone needed to hold the initial structure in place, while the other screwed in the shelves. Needless to say, the legs kept falling out, occasionally landing on my head. Eventually I prevailed, and the shelving unit now sits proudly in the corner of my kitchen. Less than three weeks till Marie moves in. I can't wait.
May all your hits be crits,
B
May all your hits be crits,
B
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Another Missed Opportunity
Now, this is dating myself a bit, as it happened in Civil Procedure, but I figured it was worth putting up. Now, Abernathy always used to tell us that juries feel more sympathetic towards people than big businesses. You would have this small plaintiff against Big Pharmaceuticals, Big Oil, Big Auto, and the jury would inevitably find a way to rule in favor of the plaintiff. However, in the case of Owen Equipment and Erection Co v. Kroeger, how would the jury feel about Big Erection?
Food for thought I guess, and with all the jokes about that case (the widow versus the erection, for one), I don't know how i missed this. Oh well.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Food for thought I guess, and with all the jokes about that case (the widow versus the erection, for one), I don't know how i missed this. Oh well.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Draft Tweets
I'm just gonna put my opinions in Twitter form, as the first thing I'm thinking at the time:
1. DET: Stafford- He's under contract, no surprise here.
2. STL: J Smith- Bulger might survive the year.
3. KC: Jackson- Wait, who?
4. SEA: Curry- Great value at 4.
5. NYJ: Sanchez- Wonder if Drama and Turtle will come with...(shakes head).
6. CIN: A Smith- Like they said in Fight Club: Bob. Had. Bitch-tits. Bad choice.
7. OAK: Heyward-Bey- Least. Surprising. Pick. Ever. Crabtree should be righteously pissed.
8. JAX: Monroe- Went WAY too low. Doesn't anyone remember Brandon Albert?
9. GB: Raji- Lovin the ONE white dude at his draft-day party.
10. SF: Crabtree- Incredible plysical talent, and he's gonna have an ENORMOUS chip on his shoulder next year.
11. BUF: Maybin- Why is he spending so much time /facepalm-ing. Must be getting prepared for next year...
12. DEN: Moreno- To paraphrase Jim Mora: "DEFENSE? Don't talk about DEFENSE! You kiddin me- DEFENSE?" Another long year in Denver...
13. WSH: Orakpo- I don't think they COULD have gotten that pick in any faster, and I don't blame them a bit.
14. NO: Jenkins- As they haven't been able to cover anyone this decade, I think CB is the way to go.
15. HOU: Cushing- When the "glowing" praise about your team is that you could be "above-average" you should be sad. This should help.
16. SD: English- Mostly, I just like the name.
17. TB: Freeman- Loving Cleveland's draft strategy (2nd tradedown so far); Freeman's a project, but with increidble upside.
18. DEN: Ayers- Josh McDaniels pals around with terrorists. (Paid for by Citizens for Jay Cutler).
19. PHI: Maclin- (Cleveland Trade count: 3) Maclin and Jackson. If nothing else, they'll be fast next year.
20. DET: Pettigrew- Good News: Stafford might be good down the line. Bad News: He might not survive that long.
21. CLE: Mack- You heard right folks, the Browns have drafted Alex Mack. Not very strong, but can turn into liquid and sneak around the defense.
22. MIN: Harvin- This reeks of Troy Williamson, Take 2. Oh well, the QB's won't get it to him anyway.
Dinner Break...
23. BAL: Oher- And the last guy is out of the green room...
24. ATL: Jerry- Peria Jerry. Peria Jerry. Such a great name.
25. MIA: Davis- Vontae. Can I buy a vowel?
This is where I stopped. Damn Finals.
May all your hits be crits,
B
1. DET: Stafford- He's under contract, no surprise here.
2. STL: J Smith- Bulger might survive the year.
3. KC: Jackson- Wait, who?
4. SEA: Curry- Great value at 4.
5. NYJ: Sanchez- Wonder if Drama and Turtle will come with...(shakes head).
6. CIN: A Smith- Like they said in Fight Club: Bob. Had. Bitch-tits. Bad choice.
7. OAK: Heyward-Bey- Least. Surprising. Pick. Ever. Crabtree should be righteously pissed.
8. JAX: Monroe- Went WAY too low. Doesn't anyone remember Brandon Albert?
9. GB: Raji- Lovin the ONE white dude at his draft-day party.
10. SF: Crabtree- Incredible plysical talent, and he's gonna have an ENORMOUS chip on his shoulder next year.
11. BUF: Maybin- Why is he spending so much time /facepalm-ing. Must be getting prepared for next year...
12. DEN: Moreno- To paraphrase Jim Mora: "DEFENSE? Don't talk about DEFENSE! You kiddin me- DEFENSE?" Another long year in Denver...
13. WSH: Orakpo- I don't think they COULD have gotten that pick in any faster, and I don't blame them a bit.
14. NO: Jenkins- As they haven't been able to cover anyone this decade, I think CB is the way to go.
15. HOU: Cushing- When the "glowing" praise about your team is that you could be "above-average" you should be sad. This should help.
16. SD: English- Mostly, I just like the name.
17. TB: Freeman- Loving Cleveland's draft strategy (2nd tradedown so far); Freeman's a project, but with increidble upside.
18. DEN: Ayers- Josh McDaniels pals around with terrorists. (Paid for by Citizens for Jay Cutler).
19. PHI: Maclin- (Cleveland Trade count: 3) Maclin and Jackson. If nothing else, they'll be fast next year.
20. DET: Pettigrew- Good News: Stafford might be good down the line. Bad News: He might not survive that long.
21. CLE: Mack- You heard right folks, the Browns have drafted Alex Mack. Not very strong, but can turn into liquid and sneak around the defense.
22. MIN: Harvin- This reeks of Troy Williamson, Take 2. Oh well, the QB's won't get it to him anyway.
Dinner Break...
23. BAL: Oher- And the last guy is out of the green room...
24. ATL: Jerry- Peria Jerry. Peria Jerry. Such a great name.
25. MIA: Davis- Vontae. Can I buy a vowel?
This is where I stopped. Damn Finals.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Monday, April 20, 2009
Recharging in Chi-Town
After the insanity of last finals week, and the incredible unhappiness of the whole situation, I vowed not to stay around here and go nuts this finals week. So on Thursday afternoon, I packed my bags and headed out to Dulles, destined for Chicago. Fortunately, Southwest didn't give me the royal screwjob that JetBlue tends to, so I took off on time and landed early at Midway. After an hours worth of catching up on my work, I was met by Marie, and headed off to Costco.
Now, I love Costco, and I have been on some epic Costco trips (both with JTT, and with Mike and Caxton) but I think I may have met my match in Marie (in yet another way...). However, while my problem is attacking everything on a sample stand like I haven't eaten in weeks, Marie's weakness is planning. She'll see something (in this case, a wine opener and Tupperware for muffins) and decide that she REALLY needs this. My job is to be the Jewish angel on her shoulder and remind her that we already have a wine opener (though we did need muffin Tupperware). However, I was overmatched when it came to $4.99 DVDs, especially seeing as I saw them first. On the plus side, I now own 2 more Mel Brooks movies and Walk the Line.
The rest of Thursday night was spent in the company of two of Marie's best friends, who brought over pasta, and hung out with me while Marie was engaged in an impromptu phone interview. Impressively, I managed to stay relatively quiet throughout. Also, I learned that sugarcane liquor, bar syrup, grapefruit juice, and ice makes quite the combination. This would be my second drink to name (First one: Vanilla Rum with Cranberry-Raspberry juice= a White Stripe), but I have no thoughts. Anyone?
Friday, I got up nice and late, which is something I haven't been accustomed to around here. Made Cajun-style Catfish with Red Beans and Rice for lunch. I'd like to point out that the packaging on the RB&R described their product as "saucy." Now THAT just sounds naughty. Marie was recruited to play IM soccer for her MA program team, and I've become their unofficial ringer. So we faced off against the IM Indoor Champions, and were doing fine, at least till the lights on the field all went off. This led to a 15 minute blackout break, in which we mostly just stood around and chilled out until Athletic Services got around to turning the lights back on. Unfortunately, our momentum had been sapped, and we went on to lose by a solid amount. This was soon forgotten after a trip to the pub and to Goose Island.
Saturday was a day of lessons for both of us. The primary lesson was that forgetting that you Pam-ed a pan and left it on the burner will leave you with an entire apartment full of smoke. Marie also learned of my penchant for talking to the TV during hockey games, though its possible that she already knew that. Cafe Iberico for dinner, which needs to open a satellite restaurant here in DC, stat.
Needless to say (and especially with this kinda hindsight), this was exactly what I needed. What I probably didn't need to do was wait a month to post this, but at least it went up...
May all your hits be crits,
B
Now, I love Costco, and I have been on some epic Costco trips (both with JTT, and with Mike and Caxton) but I think I may have met my match in Marie (in yet another way...). However, while my problem is attacking everything on a sample stand like I haven't eaten in weeks, Marie's weakness is planning. She'll see something (in this case, a wine opener and Tupperware for muffins) and decide that she REALLY needs this. My job is to be the Jewish angel on her shoulder and remind her that we already have a wine opener (though we did need muffin Tupperware). However, I was overmatched when it came to $4.99 DVDs, especially seeing as I saw them first. On the plus side, I now own 2 more Mel Brooks movies and Walk the Line.
The rest of Thursday night was spent in the company of two of Marie's best friends, who brought over pasta, and hung out with me while Marie was engaged in an impromptu phone interview. Impressively, I managed to stay relatively quiet throughout. Also, I learned that sugarcane liquor, bar syrup, grapefruit juice, and ice makes quite the combination. This would be my second drink to name (First one: Vanilla Rum with Cranberry-Raspberry juice= a White Stripe), but I have no thoughts. Anyone?
Friday, I got up nice and late, which is something I haven't been accustomed to around here. Made Cajun-style Catfish with Red Beans and Rice for lunch. I'd like to point out that the packaging on the RB&R described their product as "saucy." Now THAT just sounds naughty. Marie was recruited to play IM soccer for her MA program team, and I've become their unofficial ringer. So we faced off against the IM Indoor Champions, and were doing fine, at least till the lights on the field all went off. This led to a 15 minute blackout break, in which we mostly just stood around and chilled out until Athletic Services got around to turning the lights back on. Unfortunately, our momentum had been sapped, and we went on to lose by a solid amount. This was soon forgotten after a trip to the pub and to Goose Island.
Saturday was a day of lessons for both of us. The primary lesson was that forgetting that you Pam-ed a pan and left it on the burner will leave you with an entire apartment full of smoke. Marie also learned of my penchant for talking to the TV during hockey games, though its possible that she already knew that. Cafe Iberico for dinner, which needs to open a satellite restaurant here in DC, stat.
Needless to say (and especially with this kinda hindsight), this was exactly what I needed. What I probably didn't need to do was wait a month to post this, but at least it went up...
May all your hits be crits,
B
Sunday, April 19, 2009
How the Rangers Rocked the Red
So, on Wednesday morning, it hit me that the Rangers were going to be in town for the playoffs. Now, I had A LOT to do: Clean my room, do laundry, read for three classes, study for finals, and pack to go to Chicago. There was no way in HELL I was missing this game. So I put my Georgetown sweater over my Rangers jersey (Caps fans aren't big on selling to the other team), and walked through the rain till I got to Verizon Center, where I secured an upper-deck seat for $35.
As I got there about 30 minutes before gametime, I was allowed to mill about in the bottom tier and take pictures during warmups (which will be posted on Facebook at some point). Mark Staal (Ranger defenseman) had some fun shooting slapshots toward the glass right in front of me and another kid in a Ranger jersey. Damn. Those things come in fast, and I'm glad I never tried hockey goalie.
I have to commend the Caps for a pretty sweet pre-game introduction session. First off, it's easy to get the fans psyched for a game with rock; Bush's Machinehead is a popular choice (both the Pirates and Nationals have used this at games I've been to), but the Caps use the intro to DMB's "Warehouse" to great effect. It's just Dave playing, and when he stops, the crowd all goes "Woo!" Very effective. I was able to stay in the lower bowl for half of the first period, until the person whose seat I was in showed up, at which point I was sent to the upper deck. Now, when I say I was in the upper deck, I am not kidding. I was in the penultimate row of the stadium. The Caps fans were less than overjoyed to see me, but soon settled back into watching the game.
The first period ended 0-0, and I went for a walk around the outside of the stadium to check the food options and sample a little bit of the local evironment. While the people in my row had been relative friendly and sober, the people who were milling about near the concession stand were a lot less of both. I was offered 3 fights, and called a homo more times than in the rest of my life combined. But I kept my head held high, and walked back to my seat for the start of the 2nd.
The Caps opened the scoring in the 2nd, as Alex Ovechkin shot a wounded duck towards the net that somehow evaded all the people in the way, and tucked itself into the corner. The Caps fans, as expected, went berserk, to the point that I'm still not sure what song they play when the Caps score. I was kinda worried at this point, but it turned out to be for naught, as Sean Avery (who was roundly booed everytime he got anywhere near the puck) tripped a Caps defenseman, allowing Scott Gomez to walk in and tie it up. The Rangers went on the power play shortly after, and I tend to suppress groans when that happens. For those of you who aren't Ranger fans, the Rangers power play was third-worst in the league. There was a point where we were giving up more shorthanded goals than we were scoring. Not this time. Nik Antropov fired one in, and the other Ranger fans in my section, who had been quiet all game started to get fired up. Even more inexplicably, the Rangers went on another man-advantage, which was quickly capped off by Marcus Naslund putting a wrist-shot in the top corner. The Caps faithful were stunned, while my fellow Ranger fans and I launched into a rousing rendition of the Rangers Goal Song (Lyrics: Oh Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh, Hey, Hey, HeyHeyHey, Hey, Hey, HeyHeyHey). The Caps scored again to finish out the period, and the Rangers went into the break up 3-2.
This break, however, was quiet. No insults, no threats to fight, just a bunch of Ranger fans passing each other in the hallway with knowing smiles, amidst a red sea of silence. The Caps opened the scoring in the third, and the crowd was right back into it, starting "Rangers Suck" chants that echoed through the arena. The Rangers reclaimed the lead off of Brandon Dubinsky's incredible fake, which left a Caps defender flat on the ice, and subsequent wristshot. The Caps fans were subdued once again, but only until 7 minutes to go, when the video board operator decided it was time to play the inspirational movie clips.
Now, I've seen these in every stadium. There are the standard ones: John Belushi in "Animal House," Al Pacino in "Any Given Sunday," Sylvester Stallone in "Rocky," and my personal favorite, the one in "Network" where the guy says "I want you to get up, get up out of your chairs, go to the window, open it, and yell..." Well, the Caps played a montage of ALL of those, plus a bunch more, all culminating with Tom Green in Road Trip yelling (joined by tens of thousands of people), "UNLEASH THE FURY!!!!" This was, in short, awe-inspiring. Fortunately for me, it was not Capitals-inspiring, as the Rangers held off a furious rush to win the game.
As I walked out, every Ranger fan slapped high-fives with one another, like we were part of a special organization, like somehow we had contributed in our own small ways. The Caps fans were less than amused, and a fight broke out outside the Gallery Place Metro. I managed to get home after only a few insults, and didn't get jumped, which is always a good thing. I managed to then get everything I needed done, and jumped on a flight to Chicago, which I'll talk about in a subsequent post, I hope.
May all your hits be crits,
B
As I got there about 30 minutes before gametime, I was allowed to mill about in the bottom tier and take pictures during warmups (which will be posted on Facebook at some point). Mark Staal (Ranger defenseman) had some fun shooting slapshots toward the glass right in front of me and another kid in a Ranger jersey. Damn. Those things come in fast, and I'm glad I never tried hockey goalie.
I have to commend the Caps for a pretty sweet pre-game introduction session. First off, it's easy to get the fans psyched for a game with rock; Bush's Machinehead is a popular choice (both the Pirates and Nationals have used this at games I've been to), but the Caps use the intro to DMB's "Warehouse" to great effect. It's just Dave playing, and when he stops, the crowd all goes "Woo!" Very effective. I was able to stay in the lower bowl for half of the first period, until the person whose seat I was in showed up, at which point I was sent to the upper deck. Now, when I say I was in the upper deck, I am not kidding. I was in the penultimate row of the stadium. The Caps fans were less than overjoyed to see me, but soon settled back into watching the game.
The first period ended 0-0, and I went for a walk around the outside of the stadium to check the food options and sample a little bit of the local evironment. While the people in my row had been relative friendly and sober, the people who were milling about near the concession stand were a lot less of both. I was offered 3 fights, and called a homo more times than in the rest of my life combined. But I kept my head held high, and walked back to my seat for the start of the 2nd.
The Caps opened the scoring in the 2nd, as Alex Ovechkin shot a wounded duck towards the net that somehow evaded all the people in the way, and tucked itself into the corner. The Caps fans, as expected, went berserk, to the point that I'm still not sure what song they play when the Caps score. I was kinda worried at this point, but it turned out to be for naught, as Sean Avery (who was roundly booed everytime he got anywhere near the puck) tripped a Caps defenseman, allowing Scott Gomez to walk in and tie it up. The Rangers went on the power play shortly after, and I tend to suppress groans when that happens. For those of you who aren't Ranger fans, the Rangers power play was third-worst in the league. There was a point where we were giving up more shorthanded goals than we were scoring. Not this time. Nik Antropov fired one in, and the other Ranger fans in my section, who had been quiet all game started to get fired up. Even more inexplicably, the Rangers went on another man-advantage, which was quickly capped off by Marcus Naslund putting a wrist-shot in the top corner. The Caps faithful were stunned, while my fellow Ranger fans and I launched into a rousing rendition of the Rangers Goal Song (Lyrics: Oh Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh, Oh Oh Oh, Hey, Hey, HeyHeyHey, Hey, Hey, HeyHeyHey). The Caps scored again to finish out the period, and the Rangers went into the break up 3-2.
This break, however, was quiet. No insults, no threats to fight, just a bunch of Ranger fans passing each other in the hallway with knowing smiles, amidst a red sea of silence. The Caps opened the scoring in the third, and the crowd was right back into it, starting "Rangers Suck" chants that echoed through the arena. The Rangers reclaimed the lead off of Brandon Dubinsky's incredible fake, which left a Caps defender flat on the ice, and subsequent wristshot. The Caps fans were subdued once again, but only until 7 minutes to go, when the video board operator decided it was time to play the inspirational movie clips.
Now, I've seen these in every stadium. There are the standard ones: John Belushi in "Animal House," Al Pacino in "Any Given Sunday," Sylvester Stallone in "Rocky," and my personal favorite, the one in "Network" where the guy says "I want you to get up, get up out of your chairs, go to the window, open it, and yell..." Well, the Caps played a montage of ALL of those, plus a bunch more, all culminating with Tom Green in Road Trip yelling (joined by tens of thousands of people), "UNLEASH THE FURY!!!!" This was, in short, awe-inspiring. Fortunately for me, it was not Capitals-inspiring, as the Rangers held off a furious rush to win the game.
As I walked out, every Ranger fan slapped high-fives with one another, like we were part of a special organization, like somehow we had contributed in our own small ways. The Caps fans were less than amused, and a fight broke out outside the Gallery Place Metro. I managed to get home after only a few insults, and didn't get jumped, which is always a good thing. I managed to then get everything I needed done, and jumped on a flight to Chicago, which I'll talk about in a subsequent post, I hope.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Jay-Z's 99 Legal Problems
I've always been a big fan of 99 Problems, but I'd never really given much thought to the car stop verse before today, when Jason posed a question about it. Now I ain't passed the bar, but I know a little bit, enough that I might help him get out of this shit. So, without further ado, a legal workover of 99 Problems (by line):
The year's '94, in the trunk is raw
In my rear view mirror is the mother fuckin' law
Well that's not good. Drugs in the back of the car. You're really asking for it. While I know its 94 in the song, I'm gonna do this using contemporary standards. It'll be easier that way.
I got two choices y'all pull over the car or
(hmmm)Bounce on the double put the pedal to the floor
Now I ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jay.
Plus i got a few dollars i can fight the case
Well done, Jay. This is by far the most intelligent decision you could have made. If you continued to drive, not only would you be way more suspicious-looking (headlong flight is grounds for a stop-Illinois v. Wardlow), but the police could do pretty much anything short of killing you in trying to stop you and get away with it (Police causing a car crash in stopping fleeing criminal were not held liable for subsequent paralysis- Scott v. Harris) .
So I...pull over to the side of the road
I heard "Son do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"
Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low?
Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know
Now, if this is the case, you might have a chance to get out of this one. If the officer's sole justification for stopping you is your race, the stop is not justified. (St. Paul v. Uber). However, if race is only part of the calculus, and there might be some other reasons to stop you, then your racial discrimination claim is gonna fail. (United States v. Weaver).
Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo'?"
Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-fo' "
Uh-oh. It looks like you're in trouble now, Jay. If the officer has probable cause to believe you committed a breach of the traffic code, then he has all sorts of rights. Among these is the right to stop you, and search you. Even if you don't think that's what he's really stopping you for, the Court will look at whether a reasonable officer could have pulled you over for speeding, not the subjective intent of your particular arresting officer (Whren v. United States).
"License and registration and step out of the car"
"Are you carryin' a weapon on you I know a lot of you are"
I ain't steppin out of shit all my paper's legit
Well, first off, you've gotta give them your license and ID. During an investigative stop, which includes what they're doing here, you have to give them your license if they ask for it, or they will have cause to search you and possibly arrest you (Hiibel v Nevada). Secondly, they can probably check you for a weapon. Traffic stops, by their very nature, involve a danger to the officer (Pennsylvania v. Mimms). Therefore, under Terry v. Ohio, the officer is justified in patting you down to make sure you're not armed. Third, you have to get out of the car. Under Mimms, in order to protect officers, a suspect can be ordered to get out of the car. So, out you go...
"Well, do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?"
Well my glove compartment is locked so are the trunk in the back
And I know my rights so you gon' need a warrant for that.
Well, at least he's asking. If you don't give your consent, he might not be able to search. However, if he's got probable cause that you're doing something wrong beyond speeding (just speeding itself isn't gonna be enough to justify a search of the car subsequent to a traffic stop- Knowles v. Iowa). The fact that the glove compartment and trunk are locked might be useful to you, in case he does decide to arrest you. The fact that you can't get to them means that they are not in your grab area, and therefore would not be able to be searched without a warrant (New York v. Belton). However, this is made problematic by the fact that you're in a car. Since cars are movable instrumentalities, the police will not need a warrant to search the car, as long as they are arresting you. (Carroll v. United States).
"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or something'?"
"Or somebody important or somethin'?
"Nah, I ain't pass the bar but i know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my shit
"We'll see how smart you are when the K9 come."
Looks like you might get away on this count. If the police officer had the dog on him, he'd be able to use it to sniff the car, as you have no right to possess contraband. (Illinois v. Caballes). However, if the police can't justify your continued detention until the dog shows up, anything the dog uncovers will be suppressed. (Caballes).
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one."
May all your hits be crits,
B
The year's '94, in the trunk is raw
In my rear view mirror is the mother fuckin' law
Well that's not good. Drugs in the back of the car. You're really asking for it. While I know its 94 in the song, I'm gonna do this using contemporary standards. It'll be easier that way.
I got two choices y'all pull over the car or
(hmmm)Bounce on the double put the pedal to the floor
Now I ain't tryin' to see no highway chase with Jay.
Plus i got a few dollars i can fight the case
Well done, Jay. This is by far the most intelligent decision you could have made. If you continued to drive, not only would you be way more suspicious-looking (headlong flight is grounds for a stop-Illinois v. Wardlow), but the police could do pretty much anything short of killing you in trying to stop you and get away with it (Police causing a car crash in stopping fleeing criminal were not held liable for subsequent paralysis- Scott v. Harris) .
So I...pull over to the side of the road
I heard "Son do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"
Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low?
Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know
Now, if this is the case, you might have a chance to get out of this one. If the officer's sole justification for stopping you is your race, the stop is not justified. (St. Paul v. Uber). However, if race is only part of the calculus, and there might be some other reasons to stop you, then your racial discrimination claim is gonna fail. (United States v. Weaver).
Am I under arrest or should I guess some mo'?"
Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-fo' "
Uh-oh. It looks like you're in trouble now, Jay. If the officer has probable cause to believe you committed a breach of the traffic code, then he has all sorts of rights. Among these is the right to stop you, and search you. Even if you don't think that's what he's really stopping you for, the Court will look at whether a reasonable officer could have pulled you over for speeding, not the subjective intent of your particular arresting officer (Whren v. United States).
"License and registration and step out of the car"
"Are you carryin' a weapon on you I know a lot of you are"
I ain't steppin out of shit all my paper's legit
Well, first off, you've gotta give them your license and ID. During an investigative stop, which includes what they're doing here, you have to give them your license if they ask for it, or they will have cause to search you and possibly arrest you (Hiibel v Nevada). Secondly, they can probably check you for a weapon. Traffic stops, by their very nature, involve a danger to the officer (Pennsylvania v. Mimms). Therefore, under Terry v. Ohio, the officer is justified in patting you down to make sure you're not armed. Third, you have to get out of the car. Under Mimms, in order to protect officers, a suspect can be ordered to get out of the car. So, out you go...
"Well, do you mind if I look round the car a little bit?"
Well my glove compartment is locked so are the trunk in the back
And I know my rights so you gon' need a warrant for that.
Well, at least he's asking. If you don't give your consent, he might not be able to search. However, if he's got probable cause that you're doing something wrong beyond speeding (just speeding itself isn't gonna be enough to justify a search of the car subsequent to a traffic stop- Knowles v. Iowa). The fact that the glove compartment and trunk are locked might be useful to you, in case he does decide to arrest you. The fact that you can't get to them means that they are not in your grab area, and therefore would not be able to be searched without a warrant (New York v. Belton). However, this is made problematic by the fact that you're in a car. Since cars are movable instrumentalities, the police will not need a warrant to search the car, as long as they are arresting you. (Carroll v. United States).
"Aren't you sharp as a tack, you some type of lawyer or something'?"
"Or somebody important or somethin'?
"Nah, I ain't pass the bar but i know a little bit
Enough that you won't illegally search my shit
"We'll see how smart you are when the K9 come."
Looks like you might get away on this count. If the police officer had the dog on him, he'd be able to use it to sniff the car, as you have no right to possess contraband. (Illinois v. Caballes). However, if the police can't justify your continued detention until the dog shows up, anything the dog uncovers will be suppressed. (Caballes).
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one."
May all your hits be crits,
B
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Spann's Band
Normally, I don't double post so quickly, but I felt the need to go into this. Spann says that he's a rock band (I assume that makes him like Bright Eyes, one man calling himself a band). Now what would the name of the band be?
Random ideas:
Specific Performance (Classic-style rock)
Good Faith (Christian Rock)
Doctrinal Ambiguity (from Amanda)
Death of Equity (for his death-metal band)
Officially Sad (Emo?)
Johnny Guitar and the Prexisting Duty
Parole Evidence (Punk)
Any other ideas?
May all your hits be crits,
B
Random ideas:
Specific Performance (Classic-style rock)
Good Faith (Christian Rock)
Doctrinal Ambiguity (from Amanda)
Death of Equity (for his death-metal band)
Officially Sad (Emo?)
Johnny Guitar and the Prexisting Duty
Parole Evidence (Punk)
Any other ideas?
May all your hits be crits,
B
Whence Salvation?
So, Marie and I were coming back from dinner last night, and got off the Metro at Gallery Place/Chinatown. On the streetcorner across from us, there was a man with a megaphone yelling about Jesus. Now, this is not usually problematic for me. I occasionally enjoy being yelled at about Jesus, like the woman who would stand outside the stairs for the 4/5 train at Grand Central and yell, nearly year-round, about Jesus.
However, there was something weird about this guy, but I couldn't figure out exactly what it was for a second. Listening closer in, his speech turned out to not have much substance. It went something like this: "Jesus! Choo-choo-choo-ha-ha-ha." I thought there was no way that I actually heard what I thought I heard, so I stopped for another round. Sure enough, "Jesus! Choo-choo-choo-ha-ha-ha." Now, because it's difficult to convey exactly what this sounds like, this guy was making the same noise that is played in Friday the 13th right before Jason offs someone. When I hear this noise, my first instinct would be to move in the other direction, not to spend time around this guy to hear the rest of his speech.
I guess Jesus and Jason, while not particularly alike, have at least a few similarities:
Both rose from the dead, yet neither is a zombie.
Jesus died for our sins, Jason died because of our sins.
Neither is a huge fan of premarital sex (though Jason is the only one who will kill you for it).
Jason has spawned a wealth of sequals; Jesus has an entire New Testament (and the Book of Mormon)
That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure there will be more. Ideas?
May all your hits be crits,
B
However, there was something weird about this guy, but I couldn't figure out exactly what it was for a second. Listening closer in, his speech turned out to not have much substance. It went something like this: "Jesus! Choo-choo-choo-ha-ha-ha." I thought there was no way that I actually heard what I thought I heard, so I stopped for another round. Sure enough, "Jesus! Choo-choo-choo-ha-ha-ha." Now, because it's difficult to convey exactly what this sounds like, this guy was making the same noise that is played in Friday the 13th right before Jason offs someone. When I hear this noise, my first instinct would be to move in the other direction, not to spend time around this guy to hear the rest of his speech.
I guess Jesus and Jason, while not particularly alike, have at least a few similarities:
Both rose from the dead, yet neither is a zombie.
Jesus died for our sins, Jason died because of our sins.
Neither is a huge fan of premarital sex (though Jason is the only one who will kill you for it).
Jason has spawned a wealth of sequals; Jesus has an entire New Testament (and the Book of Mormon)
That's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure there will be more. Ideas?
May all your hits be crits,
B
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Acting in Good Faith
So this morning, my Contracts class tackled the subject of good faith in bargaining. What we learned was that there is an implicit provision in every contract stating that the parties need to act in good faith towards one another. This provision, in many cases, cannot even be bargained away. My professor seemed relatively ok with this, reasoning that no party would ever want to ensure that both parties could act in bad faith. My first thought, once on break and able to really consider it, was "What if this is a contract to join the Evil League of Evil?"
Firstly, I would imagine that your goal in joining the Evil League of Evil is to find a place where you could act in bad faith with a lot of other people acting in bad faith. I mean, if you're going to circumcise the tip of the Washington Monument, you can't very well do it with any feelings of good faith. Secondly, since you are joining a League for the purpose of doing evil, I think that acting in good faith is a breach of contract, and grounds for both your expulsion from the League and a potential lawsuit. Therefore, I would imagine that a provision requiring you to act in bad faith would be implicit in your League acceptance contract, and a good faith provision would be nothing less than an act of treason.
While discussing this with JD, he pointed out that there would be a good faith requirement not towards the world at large, but towards your fellow members of the League. This would be an "honor among thieves" provision; you can act in bad faith towards anyone else, but members of the League are off limits. However, I believe that true evil lies in being willing to backstab even your closest allies. That's what sets apart the rank-and-file members from the Bad Horses of the world. Therefore, I believe that even your league allies should implicitly understand a bad faith clause upon joining the league.
Firstly, I would imagine that your goal in joining the Evil League of Evil is to find a place where you could act in bad faith with a lot of other people acting in bad faith. I mean, if you're going to circumcise the tip of the Washington Monument, you can't very well do it with any feelings of good faith. Secondly, since you are joining a League for the purpose of doing evil, I think that acting in good faith is a breach of contract, and grounds for both your expulsion from the League and a potential lawsuit. Therefore, I would imagine that a provision requiring you to act in bad faith would be implicit in your League acceptance contract, and a good faith provision would be nothing less than an act of treason.
While discussing this with JD, he pointed out that there would be a good faith requirement not towards the world at large, but towards your fellow members of the League. This would be an "honor among thieves" provision; you can act in bad faith towards anyone else, but members of the League are off limits. However, I believe that true evil lies in being willing to backstab even your closest allies. That's what sets apart the rank-and-file members from the Bad Horses of the world. Therefore, I believe that even your league allies should implicitly understand a bad faith clause upon joining the league.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Torts Preview
I know that I said I'd talk about sports at the beginning of this blog, and that I haven't really done that. I guess this is for a lot of reasons: all the stuff going on in law school that I can write about, the fact that I dont think most of the people who read my blog don't care much about sports, and because I haven't been really moved to do so. However, yesterday's events have finally moved me to write a sports blog post.
Yesterday, Rangers coach Tom Renney was fired (to the great delight of pretty much all Ranger fans), and was replaced with former Lightning coach John Tortorella. Now, the Rangers have been awful recently, and while it's not entirely Renney's fault, the man had to go. The question from here is what to do now. I have a few suggestions, most common, some not so common, as to how to salvage this season.
1) Sit Voros, play Prucha- This is a pretty obvious one for Ranger fans. Prucha has been inconsistent, but Voros has been consistently awful. He hasn't scored since November, doesn't really create traffic in front, and has been rendered superfluous by the trade for Erik Reitz. Prucha is probably gone because he's redundant as well (Dawes, Korpi, Callahan), but adding him to the lineup gives us the possibility of scoring goals and exhibits him for possible trading partners.
2) Sign Sean Avery- This is one that gives fans fits. Avery isn't a good person, this is a pretty obvious fact. He's also not gonna score much. Our power play sucks, so his ability to draw penalties is probably not helpful. However, he gives you solid passing, speed, and heart, and the latter has been extremely lacking in the Rangers this year. Dallas is gonna be picking up a bunch of his contract, and had he been available for that amount of money at the beginning of the offseason, there is no doubt in my mind that we would have kept him. So while our cap situation sucks, if we can find any way to fit him in (Trade Roszival? Shoot Redden?) we should do it.
3) Play Valiquette- Look, Henrik Lundqvist is a horse. He can play pretty much every day, but that doesn't mean he should. He has been standing on his head for us pretty much every game, but Steven Valiquette has been pretty damn good as well. Taking out that one atrocious game against Dallas, we're looking at a .927 save percentage and a 2.10 GAA. This is, on balance, better than Lundqvist. This is not to say that he's a better goalie, but that we can afford to give Henrik an occasional break and not be too worried.
4) Promote Sjostrom- Now, I don't know how many people are in my corner about this. I understand that he's a great checker, and a great penalty killer, but his speed and ability to finish leave me questioning why he has only taken 81 shots (less than 1/2 of what Gomez has taken). I see him as an admittedly less talented version of Zherdev. He can use his speed to make plays, and is a fantastic 1v1 player. Anyone who saw that shorthanded chance against TOR can't really argue that he deserves a chance to score, at least more so than some other players on this team.
5) Don't give up on D- This was a trademark of the Renney era. We might not be able to score, but we're not letting too many in (again, aside from Dallas). We need to keep playing intelligent defense, and support our goalies while still making a concerted effort to score.
Twenty-one games left in the year, and I think we can do this. If not, its gonna be a long winter.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Yesterday, Rangers coach Tom Renney was fired (to the great delight of pretty much all Ranger fans), and was replaced with former Lightning coach John Tortorella. Now, the Rangers have been awful recently, and while it's not entirely Renney's fault, the man had to go. The question from here is what to do now. I have a few suggestions, most common, some not so common, as to how to salvage this season.
1) Sit Voros, play Prucha- This is a pretty obvious one for Ranger fans. Prucha has been inconsistent, but Voros has been consistently awful. He hasn't scored since November, doesn't really create traffic in front, and has been rendered superfluous by the trade for Erik Reitz. Prucha is probably gone because he's redundant as well (Dawes, Korpi, Callahan), but adding him to the lineup gives us the possibility of scoring goals and exhibits him for possible trading partners.
2) Sign Sean Avery- This is one that gives fans fits. Avery isn't a good person, this is a pretty obvious fact. He's also not gonna score much. Our power play sucks, so his ability to draw penalties is probably not helpful. However, he gives you solid passing, speed, and heart, and the latter has been extremely lacking in the Rangers this year. Dallas is gonna be picking up a bunch of his contract, and had he been available for that amount of money at the beginning of the offseason, there is no doubt in my mind that we would have kept him. So while our cap situation sucks, if we can find any way to fit him in (Trade Roszival? Shoot Redden?) we should do it.
3) Play Valiquette- Look, Henrik Lundqvist is a horse. He can play pretty much every day, but that doesn't mean he should. He has been standing on his head for us pretty much every game, but Steven Valiquette has been pretty damn good as well. Taking out that one atrocious game against Dallas, we're looking at a .927 save percentage and a 2.10 GAA. This is, on balance, better than Lundqvist. This is not to say that he's a better goalie, but that we can afford to give Henrik an occasional break and not be too worried.
4) Promote Sjostrom- Now, I don't know how many people are in my corner about this. I understand that he's a great checker, and a great penalty killer, but his speed and ability to finish leave me questioning why he has only taken 81 shots (less than 1/2 of what Gomez has taken). I see him as an admittedly less talented version of Zherdev. He can use his speed to make plays, and is a fantastic 1v1 player. Anyone who saw that shorthanded chance against TOR can't really argue that he deserves a chance to score, at least more so than some other players on this team.
5) Don't give up on D- This was a trademark of the Renney era. We might not be able to score, but we're not letting too many in (again, aside from Dallas). We need to keep playing intelligent defense, and support our goalies while still making a concerted effort to score.
Twenty-one games left in the year, and I think we can do this. If not, its gonna be a long winter.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Best Case So Far (Version 2.0)
To this point, the best case I've read was Yan v. Ford Motor Co. (New Jersey Supreme Court found that running across the Garden State late at night was reasonable). However, there is a new reigning champion...
In Stambovsky v. Ackley, the plaintiff (a NYC resident) bought a house in Nyack, NY. While this is not a criminal offense in itself, it is at the very least questionable, especially when he found out that the house was haunted by a poltergeist. Now, this makes for a pretty sweet case in itself, it is the judge's statements that truly make this case phenomenal. A few excerpts:
"In his pursuit for fraudulent misrepresentation agains the seller, plaintiff hasn't a ghost of a chance."
"A very practical problem arises with respect to the discovery of a paranormal phenomenon: Who you gonna call?"
"The notion that a haunting is a condition which can and should be ascertained upon reasonable inspection of the premises is a hobgoblin which should be exorcised from the body of legal precedent and laid quietly to rest."
AND the best quote
"...as a matter of law, the house is haunted."
Another highlight for me was that the judge decided, even if the defendant was to be believed, that she would still lose, as she promised the premises would be vacant, and the poultergeist rendered this not the case.
I don't think that I've ever seen a judge have so much fun with a case, although I guess that I'd have fun with this case too. A phenomenal premise + fantastic terms of phrase= best case of the year so far.
May all your hits be crits,
B
In Stambovsky v. Ackley, the plaintiff (a NYC resident) bought a house in Nyack, NY. While this is not a criminal offense in itself, it is at the very least questionable, especially when he found out that the house was haunted by a poltergeist. Now, this makes for a pretty sweet case in itself, it is the judge's statements that truly make this case phenomenal. A few excerpts:
"In his pursuit for fraudulent misrepresentation agains the seller, plaintiff hasn't a ghost of a chance."
"A very practical problem arises with respect to the discovery of a paranormal phenomenon: Who you gonna call?"
"The notion that a haunting is a condition which can and should be ascertained upon reasonable inspection of the premises is a hobgoblin which should be exorcised from the body of legal precedent and laid quietly to rest."
AND the best quote
"...as a matter of law, the house is haunted."
Another highlight for me was that the judge decided, even if the defendant was to be believed, that she would still lose, as she promised the premises would be vacant, and the poultergeist rendered this not the case.
I don't think that I've ever seen a judge have so much fun with a case, although I guess that I'd have fun with this case too. A phenomenal premise + fantastic terms of phrase= best case of the year so far.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Water, Water Everywhere
Mostly, I like living in the law dorms. It's really convenient (I only have to walk 50-100 feet outside to get to class), most of my friends live there, and the cable is awesome. There are only two major problems:
1. The internet. Now usually the internet is really good. However, on the occasions where the internet goes out, the good people at IT will inform Gewirz residents by sending them an e-mail. Just take a second, and let that one sink in.
2. The Water. Good lord do I hate the water in this place. The first problem is that everyone's water is attached, so anytime that anyone has problems with their sink or shower, they have to turn EVERYONE'S water off for like two hours. For some reason they like to do this in the mornings, which strikes me as a superbly bad idea. Second issue with the water is the fact that I'm sharing with the whole building. This means that I have to time my shower perfectly. Take the shower too late, and I miss class. Take the shower too early, and I end up without hot water. And, as I've figured out, my mood in the morning is in a direct relationship to the heat of my shower. Cold showers make me a grumpy person.
Fortunately, if this is the worst thing going on, I guess this place isn't so bad.
May all your hits be crits,
B
1. The internet. Now usually the internet is really good. However, on the occasions where the internet goes out, the good people at IT will inform Gewirz residents by sending them an e-mail. Just take a second, and let that one sink in.
2. The Water. Good lord do I hate the water in this place. The first problem is that everyone's water is attached, so anytime that anyone has problems with their sink or shower, they have to turn EVERYONE'S water off for like two hours. For some reason they like to do this in the mornings, which strikes me as a superbly bad idea. Second issue with the water is the fact that I'm sharing with the whole building. This means that I have to time my shower perfectly. Take the shower too late, and I miss class. Take the shower too early, and I end up without hot water. And, as I've figured out, my mood in the morning is in a direct relationship to the heat of my shower. Cold showers make me a grumpy person.
Fortunately, if this is the worst thing going on, I guess this place isn't so bad.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Thursday, January 29, 2009
First Treatise on Zombies
Sometimes its hard to pay attention in the last class of the week. However, not paying full attention in class can leave room for important intellectual pursuits. In this case, Mike asked a question about whether we could harvest organs from zombies. Thirty minutes later, we had a short treatise on the subject, which I have the honor of posting here:
First Treatise on Zombies
by Brad Sarnell and Mike Vomacka, Future Esq.'s
Question 1:
To whom does the body of the reanimated zombie belong?
*The necromancer- This appears to work under a Lockean theory of law. Without his labor, the body would still be dead. The necromancer could also be appropriating abandoned property if the estate is far enough removed from their kin. This is supported by use of cadavers, property of owned by hospitals or states- this suggests that dead bodies can owned by third parties.
*The dead person- You have property in your body when you’re alive, and your parents (despite having to perform labor to bring you into being) never actually own your body. If the property is never relinquished, the zombie would maintain his ownership. Alternatively, the zombie could be reclaiming ownership of its body through conquest. However, this has one fatal flaw: the zombie would a have will other than that of the necromancer.
*The estate- Let’s face it, higher brain function appears to be lacking in most zombies. They can move, they can groan, and they can eat brains. This is pretty much it. That probably qualifies them as an incompetent, and therefore control of them would go to the executor, who has power of attorney.
Now this is important not only to the question of organ harvesting, but also to the question of who is liable for the zombie’s torts. If control of the body belongs to the estate or the necromancer, they both have control and the knowledge that they can exert that control in the extremely likely event that the zombie escapes and starts eating people’s brains. A zombie could also be compared to an employee of the necromancer, suggesting liability under respondiat superior.
Question 2:
Can the zombie or his estate sue the necromancer for wrongful undeath?
*The issue is what you are compare the undeath to. There is no recovery for wrongful life, because courts say you can’t compare not being born to being born with a defect. (For the sake of argument here, I’m gonna count undeath as a defect.) However, in this case, the zombie was once alive. So are you comparing undeath to life, or undeath to death in order to decide how much compensation is due the zombie.
Prior case law suggests it is likely the zombie/estate can recover for diabilities caused by negligent reincarnation (lack or hindered bodily functionality). However, it is unclear whether the restoration of life alone is an injury courts will be willing to grant recovery for.
Proponents of judicial restraint may argue for the consideration of living (deceased?) wills – people could manifest their intent to be reincarnated. However, a practical approach suggests many people will be unprepared for their undeath. Do religious beliefs accentuating a future reincarnation manifest a latent desire to be zombified?
Further considerations:
> Does the discussion change when we consider the reincarnation of chattel (dogs, horses, sharks)? Chattel is incapable of self ownership, and the disposal of many animals is regulated by government agencies.
> If the chanting of two necromancers contributes to a reincarnation, would the body shared among parties?
Hopefully, this is only the first incarnation of this treatise, or at least the first of many intellectual discussions that will end up gracing the pages of this blog.
May all your hits be crits,
B
First Treatise on Zombies
by Brad Sarnell and Mike Vomacka, Future Esq.'s
Question 1:
To whom does the body of the reanimated zombie belong?
*The necromancer- This appears to work under a Lockean theory of law. Without his labor, the body would still be dead. The necromancer could also be appropriating abandoned property if the estate is far enough removed from their kin. This is supported by use of cadavers, property of owned by hospitals or states- this suggests that dead bodies can owned by third parties.
*The dead person- You have property in your body when you’re alive, and your parents (despite having to perform labor to bring you into being) never actually own your body. If the property is never relinquished, the zombie would maintain his ownership. Alternatively, the zombie could be reclaiming ownership of its body through conquest. However, this has one fatal flaw: the zombie would a have will other than that of the necromancer.
*The estate- Let’s face it, higher brain function appears to be lacking in most zombies. They can move, they can groan, and they can eat brains. This is pretty much it. That probably qualifies them as an incompetent, and therefore control of them would go to the executor, who has power of attorney.
Now this is important not only to the question of organ harvesting, but also to the question of who is liable for the zombie’s torts. If control of the body belongs to the estate or the necromancer, they both have control and the knowledge that they can exert that control in the extremely likely event that the zombie escapes and starts eating people’s brains. A zombie could also be compared to an employee of the necromancer, suggesting liability under respondiat superior.
Question 2:
Can the zombie or his estate sue the necromancer for wrongful undeath?
*The issue is what you are compare the undeath to. There is no recovery for wrongful life, because courts say you can’t compare not being born to being born with a defect. (For the sake of argument here, I’m gonna count undeath as a defect.) However, in this case, the zombie was once alive. So are you comparing undeath to life, or undeath to death in order to decide how much compensation is due the zombie.
Prior case law suggests it is likely the zombie/estate can recover for diabilities caused by negligent reincarnation (lack or hindered bodily functionality). However, it is unclear whether the restoration of life alone is an injury courts will be willing to grant recovery for.
Proponents of judicial restraint may argue for the consideration of living (deceased?) wills – people could manifest their intent to be reincarnated. However, a practical approach suggests many people will be unprepared for their undeath. Do religious beliefs accentuating a future reincarnation manifest a latent desire to be zombified?
Further considerations:
> Does the discussion change when we consider the reincarnation of chattel (dogs, horses, sharks)? Chattel is incapable of self ownership, and the disposal of many animals is regulated by government agencies.
> If the chanting of two necromancers contributes to a reincarnation, would the body shared among parties?
Hopefully, this is only the first incarnation of this treatise, or at least the first of many intellectual discussions that will end up gracing the pages of this blog.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Monday, January 26, 2009
A few quick hits
Just some thoughts that I should have gotten down on paper some time in the past:
* New schedule of classes this quarter, and already Criminal Justice is my clear favorite. Not only is EVERYONE we talk about in class guilty as sin, and usually for drug possession, there are so many exceptionally fun things to talk about. We spent an entire class today talking about "exposing possessions for public view." Now, I believe that this sounds like something that we should be worried about people who walk around in trenchcoats and dark glasses doing, but apparently this is a very live constitutional issue. And any time one needs to question whether there is a constitutional right to dumpster dive or to run around naked in your backyard, that is the class for me.
*Best sports name ever: Von Wafer. There's really no wrong way to say it. I mean, try it. Say "Von Wafer" like you're Scottish, like you're angry, like you're shocked. It's amazing regardless. Plus, he sounds like a German cookie baron, which is awesome.
*Rock Band is amazing beyond all reason. I tried this for the first time on my recent trip to Chicago, and I've never had so much fun playing a video game in all my life. In fact, I think I had more fun than any of you... My guitar is good, my singing ranges from excellent to decent (I could TOTALLY have been lead singer for The Offspring), and my drumming breaks all records for white-guy lack of coordination. The worst part is, I know how to play the drums IRL. I'm not good, but I know how. I just wasn't getting it for some reason. Oh well, more practice obviously necessary.
*Marie and I are the parents of the most excellent cat in the history of ever. It's just a fact of life. She snuggles people, sleeps on the bed, and doesn't get too pissed when I accidentally almost kick her off the bed at nights. Really, what more could you ask for?
May all your hits be crits,
B
* New schedule of classes this quarter, and already Criminal Justice is my clear favorite. Not only is EVERYONE we talk about in class guilty as sin, and usually for drug possession, there are so many exceptionally fun things to talk about. We spent an entire class today talking about "exposing possessions for public view." Now, I believe that this sounds like something that we should be worried about people who walk around in trenchcoats and dark glasses doing, but apparently this is a very live constitutional issue. And any time one needs to question whether there is a constitutional right to dumpster dive or to run around naked in your backyard, that is the class for me.
*Best sports name ever: Von Wafer. There's really no wrong way to say it. I mean, try it. Say "Von Wafer" like you're Scottish, like you're angry, like you're shocked. It's amazing regardless. Plus, he sounds like a German cookie baron, which is awesome.
*Rock Band is amazing beyond all reason. I tried this for the first time on my recent trip to Chicago, and I've never had so much fun playing a video game in all my life. In fact, I think I had more fun than any of you... My guitar is good, my singing ranges from excellent to decent (I could TOTALLY have been lead singer for The Offspring), and my drumming breaks all records for white-guy lack of coordination. The worst part is, I know how to play the drums IRL. I'm not good, but I know how. I just wasn't getting it for some reason. Oh well, more practice obviously necessary.
*Marie and I are the parents of the most excellent cat in the history of ever. It's just a fact of life. She snuggles people, sleeps on the bed, and doesn't get too pissed when I accidentally almost kick her off the bed at nights. Really, what more could you ask for?
May all your hits be crits,
B
Monday, January 12, 2009
Stoplight or the Ultimate Embodiment of Free Will
Hey all. Sometime in the past decade, the powers that be decided that the old pedestrian lights, the ones that said either WALK or DONT WALK, were phased out. I assume that someone who couldn't read got hit by a bus, and they had to make a change. The possibilities for lights now are:
* The ones that talk. I hate these, especially the one on 55th St. and Lake Park in Chicago. I mean, if I hear, "WALK SIGN, 55th Street, WALK SIGN, 55th Street...) one more time, I very well might take a hammer to the speakerbox.
* The ones that count down. These, on the other hand, are awesome. It gives a certain amount of gravitas to the simple act of crossing a street. I mean, countdowns occur for things like bombs and the end of important sporting events. To add it to crossing the street makes crossing that much cooler. Plus, in DC (althought not in Chicago), they give you more than 20 seconds to cross the street, which makes things way better.
* The ones with the little man and the orange hand. These appear to be the most common, and are really the topic I want to discuss.
Recently, albeit only in New York, I've noticed what I originally thought was an interesting glitch in these signs. Instead of there being just a walk sign, the little man and the orange hand were up at the same time. Now, one could assume that this was merely a mistake, that seeing both at the same time was just a flaw. However, I believe that this is more philosophical (especially because I've had to read Locke for Property). At the point when there are cars going by, we should stay out of the street, so only the orange hand goes up. However, when there are no cars going by, you have the option of walking, BUT there is nothing preventing you from staying where you are. You are endowed by your creator with free will, and you can simply choose to stand there throughout the light cycle and wait for the next one. This is not a glitch, it is simply giving you your options, and letting you decide. Truly inspiring.
May all your hits be crits,
B
* The ones that talk. I hate these, especially the one on 55th St. and Lake Park in Chicago. I mean, if I hear, "WALK SIGN, 55th Street, WALK SIGN, 55th Street...) one more time, I very well might take a hammer to the speakerbox.
* The ones that count down. These, on the other hand, are awesome. It gives a certain amount of gravitas to the simple act of crossing a street. I mean, countdowns occur for things like bombs and the end of important sporting events. To add it to crossing the street makes crossing that much cooler. Plus, in DC (althought not in Chicago), they give you more than 20 seconds to cross the street, which makes things way better.
* The ones with the little man and the orange hand. These appear to be the most common, and are really the topic I want to discuss.
Recently, albeit only in New York, I've noticed what I originally thought was an interesting glitch in these signs. Instead of there being just a walk sign, the little man and the orange hand were up at the same time. Now, one could assume that this was merely a mistake, that seeing both at the same time was just a flaw. However, I believe that this is more philosophical (especially because I've had to read Locke for Property). At the point when there are cars going by, we should stay out of the street, so only the orange hand goes up. However, when there are no cars going by, you have the option of walking, BUT there is nothing preventing you from staying where you are. You are endowed by your creator with free will, and you can simply choose to stand there throughout the light cycle and wait for the next one. This is not a glitch, it is simply giving you your options, and letting you decide. Truly inspiring.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Well-Deserved Break
Hey all. So, as usual, its been a while since I've posted, so I'll have to sum up my life over the past month.
*While I'm a big fan of law school, in general, I'm not so big a fan of law school exams. Not that I failed or anything, but my Torts exam especially was the most physically and mentally exhausting thing I have ever done. I quite literally had issues supporting my weight when turning in the exam. And, for the first time in a while, this wasn't due to the sheer amount of weight. Working all the time and not eating does phenomenal things for your waistline, although very little for your general wellbeing.
*New York was solid. I got to spend a good amount of time with the family, watched a ton of Top Chef with Maddy and Cassy, played some video games with Jarrett, and just generally took it easy. However, I am kinda troubled by my family's desire to do cool things when they know I'm not going to be there. Last time I went to Chicago, they went to London. This time, they went on a cruise to Mexico. I'm beginning to think they do this to spite me.
*Chicago, despite being its usual winter self, was amazing. Tons of amazing food, a new kitty (on whom a great deal will be written and pictures posted), and best of all, time with Marie for the first time in a month. Marie's Wii was a blast, and Rayman Raving Rabbids might be the most fun of any video game I've ever played. Might have been even more fun if I wasn't entirely sober, but that's an experiment for another time. NYE was fun. Marie and I got together with a whole bunch of AEPi alums for a party in Lakeview, and much fun was had by all (except maybe Lee, who lost his phone in the cab).
Now I'm back in DC, learning about international law (or I will eventually). The best thing so far: a case cite to Moxon v. The Fanny. I hope, for Moxon's sake, he beat The Fanny.
Hopefully, I'll be better about posting with less work to do, but I can't promise.
May all your hits be crits,
B
*While I'm a big fan of law school, in general, I'm not so big a fan of law school exams. Not that I failed or anything, but my Torts exam especially was the most physically and mentally exhausting thing I have ever done. I quite literally had issues supporting my weight when turning in the exam. And, for the first time in a while, this wasn't due to the sheer amount of weight. Working all the time and not eating does phenomenal things for your waistline, although very little for your general wellbeing.
*New York was solid. I got to spend a good amount of time with the family, watched a ton of Top Chef with Maddy and Cassy, played some video games with Jarrett, and just generally took it easy. However, I am kinda troubled by my family's desire to do cool things when they know I'm not going to be there. Last time I went to Chicago, they went to London. This time, they went on a cruise to Mexico. I'm beginning to think they do this to spite me.
*Chicago, despite being its usual winter self, was amazing. Tons of amazing food, a new kitty (on whom a great deal will be written and pictures posted), and best of all, time with Marie for the first time in a month. Marie's Wii was a blast, and Rayman Raving Rabbids might be the most fun of any video game I've ever played. Might have been even more fun if I wasn't entirely sober, but that's an experiment for another time. NYE was fun. Marie and I got together with a whole bunch of AEPi alums for a party in Lakeview, and much fun was had by all (except maybe Lee, who lost his phone in the cab).
Now I'm back in DC, learning about international law (or I will eventually). The best thing so far: a case cite to Moxon v. The Fanny. I hope, for Moxon's sake, he beat The Fanny.
Hopefully, I'll be better about posting with less work to do, but I can't promise.
May all your hits be crits,
B
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