As so often happens, I plan to blog about things, but then something comes up that is way more worth blogging about, and i forget to blog about the original thing. This is what it about to happen, and since i'm discussing it instead of Perry's visit and the Green Day concert, it must be something worth noting. And it is...
So I'm a hairy motherfucker. This is not my terminology, but that used to describe me the summer before my senior year of high school. Now having a hairy chest is apparently not so bad, but the back...not so much. Marie has complained about this in the past, and finally I told her that if she booked the appointment, that I'd get it done. I didn't believe she'd actually go through with it, but lo and behold, she got her act together enough to set today as the date.
So I go into the salon, and the first thing they ask is "Are you here to be serviced?" My first, mental response was, "Yep, I'm here to lay some pipe. Bow Chicka Bow Wow..." Fortunately, I occasionally keep things to myself. So after filling out a form or two, I was escorted to the back by Marie, and a woman with a pleasant Jamaican accent. This would turn out to be essential; you REALLY don't want a woman with a German accent ripping hair out of you, but a Jamaican accent is somehow more soothing.
I laid down on the table, and the ripping commenced. As it turned out, it wasn't so bad. Kinda like a backrub for masochists. Plus, when they were done, I got strips of cloth dipped in tea placed on my back, so I smelled funny on top of everything else. In the next 90 minutes, I learned a lot of things:
1. I jump when hot wax is poured on my back. This is a fact of life. It's not like it was too hot, but the hot wax barrier is one that I heretofore had yet to broach. It's a weird sensation, and doesn't get any less weird after having it done multiple times in a short timespan.
2. There are more and less sensative parts of my back. You can yank the hair out of my lower back with abandon, and it doesn't really matter. The neck, on the other hand, is REALLY REALLY unpleasant to have abused multiple times in a row.
3. My back is really really pale without any hair on it. I don't normally go outside to tan, but I think I'm going to have to. It's pretty ridiculous looking.
4. Anyone who has this done anywhere near their private parts is batshit insane.
They say this needs to be done every 3 weeks. This is NOT happening, but I probably could be talked into doing it again. Worse things have happened.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Wow, WoW
So the big news of my morning was that Sam Raimi just signed on to direct the World of Warcraft movie. Pair him up with the producer from Dark Knight, and this seems like one hell of a movie. I mean, this could be the first decent video game adaptation since the first Mortal Kombat. However, the problem with this movie is that they're inevitably going to do it from the point of view of the Alliance. Let's see: We have an epic quest being taken on by a human, an elf, a dwarf, various other little people. I think I've seen this movie before, but I can't remember where...
Now, imagine, if you will, if they made the movie from the point of view of the Horde. You still have an elf, but your other heroes are a troll, an orc, a zombie, and a 7 foot tall cow-person. While the possibilities of romance are slim (and would be kinda ooky even if they happened), this would be such a different and interesting movie that it would be worth watching. But oh well, maybe a sequel?
May all your hits be crits,
B
Now, imagine, if you will, if they made the movie from the point of view of the Horde. You still have an elf, but your other heroes are a troll, an orc, a zombie, and a 7 foot tall cow-person. While the possibilities of romance are slim (and would be kinda ooky even if they happened), this would be such a different and interesting movie that it would be worth watching. But oh well, maybe a sequel?
May all your hits be crits,
B
Saturday, June 20, 2009
A Voyage to DC
This has been a long time coming, but it needed to be documented.
So I got into Chicago the Thursday before Alumni Weekend, and after a brief stop at Costco, rushed off to The Snail in honor of Hollie Gilman's birthday. For those of you who aren't UoCers, there are two important facts to know about Hollie Gilman:
1. Louis Potok is NOT Hollie Gilman.
2. Hollie knows EVERYBODY.
So I shouldn't have been surprised by the scene that awaited me upon entering the restaurant. The Snail is a tasty, if somewhat small, Thai restaurant, and our party took up nearly the entire thing. There was plenty of food, plenty of booze, and not nearly enough chairs (to the point where Marie spent most of dinner sitting half on a chair and half on my left leg). After the party, most of the group ended up at Jimmy's (which I hate), then mercifully, I was allowed to collapse in bed.
Friday was the first day of Alumni Weekend, and after putting on my nametag (with accompaning spiffy ribbons), I walked around campus to see who was around. The nametag was very fortunate, or else I don't think people would have recognized me. I guess losing 40 lbs in a year will do that, but it was tons of fun to see people do double-takes when they realized who I was. Marie and I hopped around on the reception circuit, getting from a faculty reception on campus, to a Metcalf reception (where we picked up an increasingly tipsy Arianna), to the Goose Island brewery in Wrigleyville. After spending some time there, eating chicken wings and drinking a bunch of beer, Marie and I grabbed a few of her friends and we jumped a cab to the far north side to do karaoke. Upon arriving in the room, two things were readily apparent: There were a lot of people in a very small room, and (along with the words to the songs) there were nude women on the screens. I don't know whose decision this was, but someone decided that the softcore porn channel would be the perfect accompaniment to karaoke. This gets even funnier when the porn goes on regardless of what song it is, and that the porn doesn't change between songs by Metallica and those by Weezer. One would at least assume that this would necessitate a change of porn, but not according to the powers that be at the karaoke place. I actually put forward a passable rendition of Enter Sandman before heading back to Hyde Park.
Saturday was the major fraternity/sorority day on campus, and it started with a trip to AEPi for the alumni barbecue. I don't know what they did to the pledges this year, but they actually appear to be human beings for the second year in a row. They cleaned the place up, were good to talk to, and do all of the things that we failed to do. We managed to be decent at Greek Sing this year, and it was incredibly fun to sing the Jews in Space song from History of the World, Part 1, in front of everyone. The GO Party, which Chicago always pumps up as something to look forward to, was not so exciting. I think that next year, I will make this the NO GO party, and go do something cool instead.
The rest of the week was filled with a whirlwind of packing and moving things, but there were a few highlights mixed in:
* Wok-N-Roll with Aaron after filling 3/4 of a U-Haul with Marie's stuff.
* Tapas at Cafe Iberico with Marie's friend from Texas, complete with phallic dessert.
* A BBQ hosted by the head of Marie's program, and enjoying the company of his large, poorly behaved dog.
So basically, we ate, we packed, and the days passed quickly.
Marie graduated on Friday, and it was a lot more enjoyable than last year. First, I didn't have to wear that damn gown, making it less than 10000 degrees. Secondly, the speaker was less awful than last year's. And most importantly, it was shorter. Marie was happy, and looked awesome, and both of those are always a plus. The experience was only slightly marred by the fact that I had to go be part of the best dressed moving company ever, along with Marie's friend Stuart, who joined me in running back to Marie's to get the final moving done and to help sell her microwave. After an epic final dinner at Greek Islands with assorted friends and family, it was back to Marie's (now empty) apartment to sleep the precious few hours before the journey was to begin.
On Friday night, we promised to get ready to leave for 7am. This didn't happen. It was about 11am before we got on the road. When we did finally leave, I was well packed into the back seat, meaning that I had stuff packed in all around me, to the point where I wasn't going anywhere even if I'd wanted to. Fortunately, I had Ellie packed in the back with me, and once she figured out that she wasn't going anywhere, she stopped yowling and chilled for most of the car ride. The trip, surprisingly, wasn't too bad. The music was solid, the conversation was pretty interesting, and the billboards in the middle of nowhere were fascinating. I mostly want to point out that there are a lot of billboards for fireworks in states that sell them, and that in Pennsylvania, you can buy an automatic camoflage crossbow. I don't really want a crossbow, but this did tell me what kind of place I was in, and it looked really cool. We only made a handful of stops, and made almost no turns (just hopping from turnpike to turnpike), and at about midnight Sunday morning, we finally arrived at our apartment. (Sidenote: Its REALLY REALLY cool that I can call it our apartment now.) After stopping in at Eat First (a Chinese restaurant at which you Eat First, and ask questions later), our journey was over, and we were finally home.
Its been three weeks now, and our apartment is nothing short of amazing, at least since we finally unpacked it. Hopefully we can attempt to keep it clean (which would be the first time I've ever been able to do that), and start inviting more people over. But so far, so good.
May all your hits be crits,
B
So I got into Chicago the Thursday before Alumni Weekend, and after a brief stop at Costco, rushed off to The Snail in honor of Hollie Gilman's birthday. For those of you who aren't UoCers, there are two important facts to know about Hollie Gilman:
1. Louis Potok is NOT Hollie Gilman.
2. Hollie knows EVERYBODY.
So I shouldn't have been surprised by the scene that awaited me upon entering the restaurant. The Snail is a tasty, if somewhat small, Thai restaurant, and our party took up nearly the entire thing. There was plenty of food, plenty of booze, and not nearly enough chairs (to the point where Marie spent most of dinner sitting half on a chair and half on my left leg). After the party, most of the group ended up at Jimmy's (which I hate), then mercifully, I was allowed to collapse in bed.
Friday was the first day of Alumni Weekend, and after putting on my nametag (with accompaning spiffy ribbons), I walked around campus to see who was around. The nametag was very fortunate, or else I don't think people would have recognized me. I guess losing 40 lbs in a year will do that, but it was tons of fun to see people do double-takes when they realized who I was. Marie and I hopped around on the reception circuit, getting from a faculty reception on campus, to a Metcalf reception (where we picked up an increasingly tipsy Arianna), to the Goose Island brewery in Wrigleyville. After spending some time there, eating chicken wings and drinking a bunch of beer, Marie and I grabbed a few of her friends and we jumped a cab to the far north side to do karaoke. Upon arriving in the room, two things were readily apparent: There were a lot of people in a very small room, and (along with the words to the songs) there were nude women on the screens. I don't know whose decision this was, but someone decided that the softcore porn channel would be the perfect accompaniment to karaoke. This gets even funnier when the porn goes on regardless of what song it is, and that the porn doesn't change between songs by Metallica and those by Weezer. One would at least assume that this would necessitate a change of porn, but not according to the powers that be at the karaoke place. I actually put forward a passable rendition of Enter Sandman before heading back to Hyde Park.
Saturday was the major fraternity/sorority day on campus, and it started with a trip to AEPi for the alumni barbecue. I don't know what they did to the pledges this year, but they actually appear to be human beings for the second year in a row. They cleaned the place up, were good to talk to, and do all of the things that we failed to do. We managed to be decent at Greek Sing this year, and it was incredibly fun to sing the Jews in Space song from History of the World, Part 1, in front of everyone. The GO Party, which Chicago always pumps up as something to look forward to, was not so exciting. I think that next year, I will make this the NO GO party, and go do something cool instead.
The rest of the week was filled with a whirlwind of packing and moving things, but there were a few highlights mixed in:
* Wok-N-Roll with Aaron after filling 3/4 of a U-Haul with Marie's stuff.
* Tapas at Cafe Iberico with Marie's friend from Texas, complete with phallic dessert.
* A BBQ hosted by the head of Marie's program, and enjoying the company of his large, poorly behaved dog.
So basically, we ate, we packed, and the days passed quickly.
Marie graduated on Friday, and it was a lot more enjoyable than last year. First, I didn't have to wear that damn gown, making it less than 10000 degrees. Secondly, the speaker was less awful than last year's. And most importantly, it was shorter. Marie was happy, and looked awesome, and both of those are always a plus. The experience was only slightly marred by the fact that I had to go be part of the best dressed moving company ever, along with Marie's friend Stuart, who joined me in running back to Marie's to get the final moving done and to help sell her microwave. After an epic final dinner at Greek Islands with assorted friends and family, it was back to Marie's (now empty) apartment to sleep the precious few hours before the journey was to begin.
On Friday night, we promised to get ready to leave for 7am. This didn't happen. It was about 11am before we got on the road. When we did finally leave, I was well packed into the back seat, meaning that I had stuff packed in all around me, to the point where I wasn't going anywhere even if I'd wanted to. Fortunately, I had Ellie packed in the back with me, and once she figured out that she wasn't going anywhere, she stopped yowling and chilled for most of the car ride. The trip, surprisingly, wasn't too bad. The music was solid, the conversation was pretty interesting, and the billboards in the middle of nowhere were fascinating. I mostly want to point out that there are a lot of billboards for fireworks in states that sell them, and that in Pennsylvania, you can buy an automatic camoflage crossbow. I don't really want a crossbow, but this did tell me what kind of place I was in, and it looked really cool. We only made a handful of stops, and made almost no turns (just hopping from turnpike to turnpike), and at about midnight Sunday morning, we finally arrived at our apartment. (Sidenote: Its REALLY REALLY cool that I can call it our apartment now.) After stopping in at Eat First (a Chinese restaurant at which you Eat First, and ask questions later), our journey was over, and we were finally home.
Its been three weeks now, and our apartment is nothing short of amazing, at least since we finally unpacked it. Hopefully we can attempt to keep it clean (which would be the first time I've ever been able to do that), and start inviting more people over. But so far, so good.
May all your hits be crits,
B
A Musical Dilemma
I change my favorite song pretty frequently, as favorites go, but for the better part of the past year, my favorite song has been "Chelsea Dagger" by the Fratellis. Had I told this to ANYONE in the US before very recently, their response would have been something like "What by the who now?" However, the song has recently been featured both by the Chicago Blackhawks (as their goal song), and by Amstel Light, supporting the fact that their beer is brewed in Amsterdam by using a song from a Scottish rock band that is most commonly associated with soccer teams that do not hail from the Netherlands.
My dilemma is: Is the fact that my favorite song is getting exposure a good thing for me? On one hand, it's nice to know that other people know this song, and (I assume) kinda like it. However, I don't want to seem like the kind of person who likes the song ONLY because they heard it in a beer commercial. I mean, I have all of their albums (granted, there are only two), and I liked the song long before Amstel Light got the idea. Furthermore, I dont like Amstel Light. Maybe I need a new favorite song...
May all your hits be crits,
B
My dilemma is: Is the fact that my favorite song is getting exposure a good thing for me? On one hand, it's nice to know that other people know this song, and (I assume) kinda like it. However, I don't want to seem like the kind of person who likes the song ONLY because they heard it in a beer commercial. I mean, I have all of their albums (granted, there are only two), and I liked the song long before Amstel Light got the idea. Furthermore, I dont like Amstel Light. Maybe I need a new favorite song...
May all your hits be crits,
B
Friday, May 29, 2009
In Defense of Nerdery
This actually happened to me during the write-on competition, but I was busy enough that I didn’t want to waste time putting it down on “paper.” Now that I’ve got some time (original composition of this post happened on a bus from DC to NY), I feel like I should get this out there.
So, it’s Thursday, and I’m relaxing by the Mass Court pool, finishing up my write-on reading, when a group of the other residents sit down near me, and start talking. The conversation wasn’t the most interesting thing ever, and it was pretty clear that they weren’t the type to be friendly to people they didn’t know, so I tried my best to just tune it out. However, my interest was piqued when they moved to the subject of gamers. As usual, these “popular” kids couldn’t possibly understand why anyone would want to play video games for fun, surmising that it must be because “they can’t go to a bar and pick up a girl.” Now this kinda annoyed me; who’s to say that going to a bar to get hammered and pick up some floozy for meaningless sex is the end-all/be-all of existence? But what really got me was the last comment they made on the topic, which came from one of the women in this conversation:
“So I was at a bar last weekend, in the ladies room, and I hear this girl talking to her friend. The friend asks, ‘Where’s your boyfriend?’ The girl is like, “He’s at home, with his friends, playing WoW. I think I’ll go over later and play WoW with him.” And this is a HOT girl. What’s the world coming to?”
This just pissed me off. Ok, we get it, it’s “cooler” by some arbitrary standard to get wasted and act like a moron than it is to stay at home and play Warcraft. But who are you to say that acceptance others is not a good thing? I agree, the stereotype of the gamer is some overweight, pimply kid who never showers and lives in his parents’ basement watching internet porn and is entirely incapable of normal human contact. But we’re not all like that. Along with those who I’m sure would fit your stereotype, the gamer community includes students, people with jobs, and parents who game alongside their kids. Just because we don’t fit some ideal of what one should be doing with their Saturday night doesn’t mean that what we choose to do is not just as valuable to us as your drunken weekend escapades are to you. To belittle anyone for not fitting themselves into whatever small social compartment that you believe their outward appearance would force them into is wrong, and more than a bit pathetic.
To quote the classic Revenge of the Nerds (which has been on G4 pretty much constantly), “none of us can be free until nerd persecution ends.”
May all your hits be crits,
B
So, it’s Thursday, and I’m relaxing by the Mass Court pool, finishing up my write-on reading, when a group of the other residents sit down near me, and start talking. The conversation wasn’t the most interesting thing ever, and it was pretty clear that they weren’t the type to be friendly to people they didn’t know, so I tried my best to just tune it out. However, my interest was piqued when they moved to the subject of gamers. As usual, these “popular” kids couldn’t possibly understand why anyone would want to play video games for fun, surmising that it must be because “they can’t go to a bar and pick up a girl.” Now this kinda annoyed me; who’s to say that going to a bar to get hammered and pick up some floozy for meaningless sex is the end-all/be-all of existence? But what really got me was the last comment they made on the topic, which came from one of the women in this conversation:
“So I was at a bar last weekend, in the ladies room, and I hear this girl talking to her friend. The friend asks, ‘Where’s your boyfriend?’ The girl is like, “He’s at home, with his friends, playing WoW. I think I’ll go over later and play WoW with him.” And this is a HOT girl. What’s the world coming to?”
This just pissed me off. Ok, we get it, it’s “cooler” by some arbitrary standard to get wasted and act like a moron than it is to stay at home and play Warcraft. But who are you to say that acceptance others is not a good thing? I agree, the stereotype of the gamer is some overweight, pimply kid who never showers and lives in his parents’ basement watching internet porn and is entirely incapable of normal human contact. But we’re not all like that. Along with those who I’m sure would fit your stereotype, the gamer community includes students, people with jobs, and parents who game alongside their kids. Just because we don’t fit some ideal of what one should be doing with their Saturday night doesn’t mean that what we choose to do is not just as valuable to us as your drunken weekend escapades are to you. To belittle anyone for not fitting themselves into whatever small social compartment that you believe their outward appearance would force them into is wrong, and more than a bit pathetic.
To quote the classic Revenge of the Nerds (which has been on G4 pretty much constantly), “none of us can be free until nerd persecution ends.”
May all your hits be crits,
B
Music of the 90s
The 1990s might be my favorite musical decade of all time. This is probably attributable to the fact that I lived through it, and have memories of when the songs came out. However, even I'm aware that the 90s were a very uneven decade when it came to music. There was really no common thread, and there were as many misses for me as there were hits. As a thought experiment, I decided to put on the "90's" station (brought to you by Comcast) to get a quick survey of the decade in music. Here's the list, with a few comments.
1. Losing My Religion (REM)- "Oh...life is bigger/It's bigger than you/and you are not me." Quite possibly the most ridiculous set of lyrics I've ever heard. The song itself might be one of the best of the decade though.
2. Good Vibrations (Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)- Who would have thought that Marky Mark would have had a career after this song came out? Beautiful thing about this country; old celebrities never die, they just find new ways to resurrect.
3. Bitch (Meredith Brooks)- Maybe it's because I'm a dude, and couldn't possibly relate to this song. However, I don't know a woman who doesn't like this song. I guess its the "I Will Survive" of the 90s.
4. Achy Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus)- I rue the day this man was born. Not only is this up in the top 5 worst songs of the decade (listen to the Weird Al parody at some point, so good), and NOT ONLY did he have the world's dumbest mullet, but he brought forth the plague that is Hannah Montana. Yuck.
5. Hold My Hand (Hootie and the Blowfish)- I was watching Jerry MacGuire, and it never fails to crack me up when the kid goes up to Cuba Gooding Jr., and asks "Are you Hootie?" I'm sure Darius Rucker has been asked that question a billion times, and I'm pretty sure that it used to piss him off somethign righteous. Too bad they only had one good album...
6. Braking all the Rules (She Moves)- Now I'd never heard of this band before, but I'm sure the brains behind this song had a thought pattern that went something like this: "You know that 'Tearin Up My Heart' song is doing pretty well. Why don't we make another song that sounds just like it in every way, but have women singing it? It can't miss..." But it did.
7. I Could Fall in Love (Selena)- I can't tell if the movie was a good thing for her memory. The movie wasn't bad, but I'm pretty sure that most people just remember J.Lo.
8. No Rain (Blind Melon)- Everyone knows the song, and most remember the video. Too bad they didn't put anything else out; I guess that's the downside of a heroin addiction.
9. The Way You Do the Things You Do (UB-40)- I know this was a cover, but I can't for the life of me remember who they were covering. Also, did they ever do a song that was not a cover?
10. Baby, One More Time (Britney Spears)- Oh Britney, Britney, how were we supposed to know? Pop stars have a short shelflife, until they start doing ridiculous, embarassing shit (See, Jackson, Michael) but nobody could have predicted that you would flame out so spectacularly.
11. You Mean the World To Me (Toni Braxton)- Almost forgot this song existed. I guess that's the effect of making possibly the most melodramatic song of all time.
12. Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman)- I wonder what ever happened to her. I loved her voice, just perfect and bluesy. But two major hits and we never heard from her again. Pity.
13. Graduate (Third Eye Blind)- This song got lost in the uproar over Semi-Charmed Life and Jumper, but it was a legitimate hit in its own right. These guys are possibly the best example of the scourge of 90s bands- the inability to follow up an amazing debut (Hootie and the Blowfish, Alanis Morrisette, etc...). At least they put out one amazing album.
14. Mo Money, Mo Problems (Too many artists for me to remember)- Honestly, why in hell does Diddy (or at the time the song came out, still Puff Daddy) feel the need to ruin perfectly good songs by putting himself in the song? He's just not very good at rapping, and should leave it to the professionals.
15. Unbelievable (EMF)- A perfect example of the mid-90s one-hit wonder. An extremely catchy song with a hook people remember, and nobody knows any words outside of the chorus.
16. As Long As You Love Me (Backstreet Boys)- I hate bubblegum pop. Its just brutal on the brain. I mean, at least Disney has not achieved total cultural saturation with its current infection of this schlock. I'm proud to say that I have not heard one single song put out by any of these Disney pseudo-bands.
17. U Can't Touch This (MC Hammer)- What a fantastic sample, possibly the best of all time. Also, the male orc dance in WoW is the MC Hammer dance, which is awesome.
18. Walking on Broken Glass (The Eurythmics)- A forgotten song, mostly because of how unbelivably good Sweet Dreams was. The Eurythmics are undeniably cool, and I think I should listen to more of them at some point.
19. What Is Love (Haddaway)- Maybe I'm the only person who liked Night at the Roxbury (while realizing that the movie wasn't very good), but this song is pretty much the only thing people remember about it. The Diet Pepsi commercial last year using it was pretty excellent.
20. Everything I Do, I Do It For You (Bryan Adams)- It might be unmanly to say, but I like this song. I guess it came out early enough that I don't remember the incredible overplay that I'm sure accompanied its release. The movie disappointed, especially given how incredible the cast was, but it led to one hell of a parody. At least the song endured.
In summation, the 90s was a weird music decade. Some amazing stuff at the beginning, nothing good at the end, and a bunch of bright gems popping up throughout. Fortunately, the good stuff was good enough to save the decade, and make it awesome.
May all your hits be crits,
B
1. Losing My Religion (REM)- "Oh...life is bigger/It's bigger than you/and you are not me." Quite possibly the most ridiculous set of lyrics I've ever heard. The song itself might be one of the best of the decade though.
2. Good Vibrations (Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch)- Who would have thought that Marky Mark would have had a career after this song came out? Beautiful thing about this country; old celebrities never die, they just find new ways to resurrect.
3. Bitch (Meredith Brooks)- Maybe it's because I'm a dude, and couldn't possibly relate to this song. However, I don't know a woman who doesn't like this song. I guess its the "I Will Survive" of the 90s.
4. Achy Breaky Heart (Billy Ray Cyrus)- I rue the day this man was born. Not only is this up in the top 5 worst songs of the decade (listen to the Weird Al parody at some point, so good), and NOT ONLY did he have the world's dumbest mullet, but he brought forth the plague that is Hannah Montana. Yuck.
5. Hold My Hand (Hootie and the Blowfish)- I was watching Jerry MacGuire, and it never fails to crack me up when the kid goes up to Cuba Gooding Jr., and asks "Are you Hootie?" I'm sure Darius Rucker has been asked that question a billion times, and I'm pretty sure that it used to piss him off somethign righteous. Too bad they only had one good album...
6. Braking all the Rules (She Moves)- Now I'd never heard of this band before, but I'm sure the brains behind this song had a thought pattern that went something like this: "You know that 'Tearin Up My Heart' song is doing pretty well. Why don't we make another song that sounds just like it in every way, but have women singing it? It can't miss..." But it did.
7. I Could Fall in Love (Selena)- I can't tell if the movie was a good thing for her memory. The movie wasn't bad, but I'm pretty sure that most people just remember J.Lo.
8. No Rain (Blind Melon)- Everyone knows the song, and most remember the video. Too bad they didn't put anything else out; I guess that's the downside of a heroin addiction.
9. The Way You Do the Things You Do (UB-40)- I know this was a cover, but I can't for the life of me remember who they were covering. Also, did they ever do a song that was not a cover?
10. Baby, One More Time (Britney Spears)- Oh Britney, Britney, how were we supposed to know? Pop stars have a short shelflife, until they start doing ridiculous, embarassing shit (See, Jackson, Michael) but nobody could have predicted that you would flame out so spectacularly.
11. You Mean the World To Me (Toni Braxton)- Almost forgot this song existed. I guess that's the effect of making possibly the most melodramatic song of all time.
12. Give Me One Reason (Tracy Chapman)- I wonder what ever happened to her. I loved her voice, just perfect and bluesy. But two major hits and we never heard from her again. Pity.
13. Graduate (Third Eye Blind)- This song got lost in the uproar over Semi-Charmed Life and Jumper, but it was a legitimate hit in its own right. These guys are possibly the best example of the scourge of 90s bands- the inability to follow up an amazing debut (Hootie and the Blowfish, Alanis Morrisette, etc...). At least they put out one amazing album.
14. Mo Money, Mo Problems (Too many artists for me to remember)- Honestly, why in hell does Diddy (or at the time the song came out, still Puff Daddy) feel the need to ruin perfectly good songs by putting himself in the song? He's just not very good at rapping, and should leave it to the professionals.
15. Unbelievable (EMF)- A perfect example of the mid-90s one-hit wonder. An extremely catchy song with a hook people remember, and nobody knows any words outside of the chorus.
16. As Long As You Love Me (Backstreet Boys)- I hate bubblegum pop. Its just brutal on the brain. I mean, at least Disney has not achieved total cultural saturation with its current infection of this schlock. I'm proud to say that I have not heard one single song put out by any of these Disney pseudo-bands.
17. U Can't Touch This (MC Hammer)- What a fantastic sample, possibly the best of all time. Also, the male orc dance in WoW is the MC Hammer dance, which is awesome.
18. Walking on Broken Glass (The Eurythmics)- A forgotten song, mostly because of how unbelivably good Sweet Dreams was. The Eurythmics are undeniably cool, and I think I should listen to more of them at some point.
19. What Is Love (Haddaway)- Maybe I'm the only person who liked Night at the Roxbury (while realizing that the movie wasn't very good), but this song is pretty much the only thing people remember about it. The Diet Pepsi commercial last year using it was pretty excellent.
20. Everything I Do, I Do It For You (Bryan Adams)- It might be unmanly to say, but I like this song. I guess it came out early enough that I don't remember the incredible overplay that I'm sure accompanied its release. The movie disappointed, especially given how incredible the cast was, but it led to one hell of a parody. At least the song endured.
In summation, the 90s was a weird music decade. Some amazing stuff at the beginning, nothing good at the end, and a bunch of bright gems popping up throughout. Fortunately, the good stuff was good enough to save the decade, and make it awesome.
May all your hits be crits,
B
Monday, May 25, 2009
How I got KEA-d
Well, I'm in my new apartment, which is pretty awesome, especially since you can tell that it's really coming together. We've got a couch, bed, TV's, dining room set, etc, already set. The only thing left for me to put together was this red kitchen storage unit. Now, I'm usually really good with IKEA stuff. I mean, how much talent does it take to follow the pictures? However, this one really got me. First, the shelves of the unit are various quadrilaterals: one rectangle, two things that could probably be considered trapezoida, and one thing that might well be a parallelogram. Normally, I just follow the pictures and can deal with this sort of thing, but this time there were two pictures: beginning and end. This must be how the crew of the Enterprise feels; the instructions were, in effect, "make it so." So, I blindly embarked on my task, and soon learned that this would have been a hell of a lot easier with two people than one, as someone needed to hold the initial structure in place, while the other screwed in the shelves. Needless to say, the legs kept falling out, occasionally landing on my head. Eventually I prevailed, and the shelving unit now sits proudly in the corner of my kitchen. Less than three weeks till Marie moves in. I can't wait.
May all your hits be crits,
B
May all your hits be crits,
B
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